Ottawa IKEA Monster Store Opening - Total Fail

The essence and composition of external bodies are so obscure, that we must necessarily, in our reasonings, or rather conjectures concerning them, involves ourselves in contradictions and absurdities.
David Hume, A Treatise Of Human Nature, Book II, Part II, Section VI, p. 366

The guys in marketing are scratching their heads in amazement and shock. They did everything right. They made sure that the new store was grossly over size and a definite blight on the neighborhood where it was built. They made sure that the color scheme was offensive to the locals. They threw their weight around with the City of Ottawa by strong arming in a monster digital bill board just to make sure that every one, even those that couldn't care less, knew that the big bad IKEA was in Ottawa.

Never got touched...

Then the lads at marketing really turned the screws and made sure that the opening of just another monster blight box store became "news" in all the local Ottawa media markets. You know the ploy. Planting advertising in local news casts as news instead of as advertising. With the present situation of the arrival of the 'Harper Government' and the attending horseman of the New World Order, the people in Ottawa totally rebelled and totally rejected the tactics. As they worry for the future and the fact that they may have to become skidmark IKEA shoppers themselves...

An underwhelmed OPP traffic cruiser at IKEA opening...

 It was in the local vulgar media, starting at lunchtime, firstly on the local CTV lunch time news cast. It was a laughably sheepish talking head, that for the life of her, could not find one good thing to say about the total fail. The expectations were for thousands and thousands of customers panting and foaming at the mouth to grab the least scummy third world produced detritus. The only people that slept out over night (!) for a good place in line seem to be the planted marketing types to get all the latest intelligence from the proles, that failed to show up! The Oracle of Ottawa just loved it! There were installed lines of pylons to marshal the rabble, that never showed up. Acres of empty parking. Valuable Police resources were on hand from the Ottawa Police Department and the Ontario Provincial Police standing by on the Highway 417 to control the access ramps that were surely to be backed up, standing around like vagrants ditched by the Conservative Party of Canada with their collective thumbs up their bum's! It was along lonely day...

A total doodle of a day, like it never happened!!

The train wreck continued on the all the local evening hour broadcasts. The thousands predicted became a modest five hundred people. The Oracle of Ottawa can reassure the good readers that this figure was totally wrong! The actual figure was more like 175 - 250, including all the called in employee families and spouses. The sound of the logo'd plastic clappers was slightly louder than one hand clapping.

OPP code 3 response to boredom in progress at Ottawa IKEA opening. Well actually, it was the Timmy's run of coffee and donuts for the lads so they wouldn't fall asleep from the non-event.....