Sunday, October 26, 2014

Jian Ghomeshi - The Real Reason...

Those who can give justice are owed justice.
John Rawls, A Theory Of Justice, p. 510

First, right off the bat, Jian Ghomeshi is no Peter Gzowski, and Q certainly is not Morningside. But the Oracle of Ottawa has certainly to give the young Jian an A++ for even have the guts and balls to even try to follow in such large footsteps. Imagine the Oracles amazement at the first sound of the news on Friday morning, thereabouts, that the young Jian was taking "time off for personal issues"! In about one nano-second the Oracle of Ottawa's bullshit alarm went off, in warning mode. Perhaps the youngster was a little shell shocked from all the events in Canada in the last week, in preparation of the 'Harper Government' self-coup, which will be started in earnest in the week coming.

Jian Ghomeshi (right)
 It was while the Oracle of Ottawa was Sunday driving up to the Ottawa Valley from Ottawa that he heard on the 4:00 p.m. CBC Radio 1 news, just before Cross Country Checkup, that Jian was no longer with the CBC. That the CBC had come into "certain information" whereby they could no longer have Jian about the premises of the CBC. Sound familiar? It seems that the Prime Ministers Office is firing CBC on-air personalities just like certain female 'Harper Government' cabinet Ministers!

Now of course the Oracle of Ottawa's bull shit alarm was sounding full blast in lock-on mode! Upon return from the Oracles appointed Sunday rounds, he was determined to get to the real cause of this cultural genocide, and to share the truth with his worldwide audience of Dear Readers, as a social service of course.  A search here, a search there, it will not be an impossible task.

Well Dear Readers the Oracle of Ottawa is happy to report that he is virtually certain that he has located the smoking gun, so to speak, that sealed the young Jian's fate. It did not take very long at all. And it had nothing to do with the introductory essay on the events of the Ottawa Shootings of Wednesday past, which was aired on Thursday last, although the Oracle of Ottawa could certainly detect the certain left of center bias in the young Jians words.

 No Dear Readers, it was another segment of the show that aired the same day. It was in interview with the young Justin Trudeau, Canada's next Prime Minister, that must have ignited a very large mushroom cloud in the Prime Ministers Office. The Oracle of Ottawa has secured a copy and it is included above this humble paragraph. The major offense occurs at 2:15 of the interview whereby Jian mentions that the CBC is the worst funded public broadcaster in the world! Case solved! There are other bits where Justin and Jian take turns trashing Jimmy Moore. You would probably enjoy watching the whole clip at least twice. The Oracle did.

On the 6:00 p.m. CBC Radio 1 news, it has been revealed that Jian has filed suit for a small amount of money not un-adjacent to the amount of fifty million dollars!! And of course, being a union member, has also filed a labour law grievance, in full knowledge that as a union member, he is entitled to his entitlements. The Oracle of Ottawa can find no fault.

For my world wide Dear Readers, the Oracle of Ottawa has also included a video of Jian in another life before he became a cultural pillar of Canada. Yes, he was the handsome, sexy, although vertically challenged, front man of the pop group Moxy Fruvous! Now as you listen carefully to the lyrics, you will quickly realize that the message is not conducive to Conservative Party of Canada's code of Family Values  and Conservative Purity as dictated by the Duck's Ass, Alberta Base Commission.      

 In closing the Oracle of Ottawa must advise his Dear Readers not to pine nor fret for the young Jian. While he was a Canadian pop star, he only sold about 500,000 albums in Canada and the United States. The royalty checks will certainly more than cover the paltry cost of a year long sabbatical, plus meals and guitar strings. Next year at this time, at the latest, Jian will be reinstated by Prime Minister Trudeau. As to the fate of Peter Mansbridge and Rex Murphy, all the Oracle can say is: Book your mover now...  

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Out Of The Way In Ottawa

There is a divergence between private and social accounting that the market fails to register. One essential task of law and government is to institute the necessary corrections.
John Rawls, A Theory Of Justice, p. 268

The Oracle of Ottawa was doing what he does every Wednesday morning, deep in his secure bunker, reading, and around 10:00 a.m., checking the BNN for the quality of the open of the Toronto Stock Exchange. The market was in a rally again, just like fish swimming upstream to spawn. And then the Oracle flipped to the news ticker on the CTV News Network for a silent tape stream of the morning headlines when he saw the BREAKING NEWS banner.

Darth Vader - Resistance is futile?

Something downtown on the Hill and the environs. Flipping to CBC News World the Oracle was not impressed that they were also in end of the world coverage also. But it all hit home as to the magnitude of the event when on channel 33, CNN was joining the rapture hoedown. The first thing that went through the Oracle of Ottawa's gifted brain was that the 'Harper Government' finally got its war.

The morning coverage was classic fog of war. From skipping through the channels the Oracle of Ottawa was utterly amazed at the conclusions of each source. It was the most surreal unfolding of events that the Oracle can remember in a very long time. There were at least four hit teams, there were $1.98 jihadists on every roof top in the downtown Ottawa area. The body count was surely going to be into the double digits before lunch time. It was the most embarrassing amateur hour hosted by Canadian media in a very long time. The Oracle of Ottawa can only hope that a very detailed review of practices and procedures will be undertaken for the coverage of future events.

Contrary to the mouth breathing musings of the Conservative Party talking heads, Canada has been through much worse in it's short history as a nation. Those of us that are somewhat seasoned can easily remember the October Crisis of 1970. The Oracle of Ottawa can still very clearly remember looking out of his grade seven class room window at Saint Joseph Catholic School onto the residence of Senator Joe Greene  who was Energy Minister in the Trudeau government at the time, living in a very grand house in Arnprior, to see a soldier, in full battle dress, armed with a sub machine gun, parading in front of the future Senators house! That is the kind of Canadian history that stays with you forever. 

Compared to the past that the Oracle of Ottawa has lived through, the past weeks events are essentially vandalism. Rag assed one offs. Hardly the attempted overturning of a Nation State. And as to blame? The Oracle of Ottawa blames the insane right wing wrecking crew ideology of the 'Harper Government'.  And there is a lesson to be learned from the events of the past week here in Canada. If a government fails to take care of all of it's people, a certain subset of people will soon take care of the government...there is no other rational and sane conclusion that one of sound mind and body can come to.

Monday, October 6, 2014

How To Sharpen Your Philishave

Science without guidance is doubly madness.
Baltasar Gracian, The Science Of Success And The Art Of Prudence, Sec. 16

The Oracle of Ottawa is discovering that his "Thinking About Thinking" project was one of the wisest little undertakings that the Oracle of Ottawa has ever undertaken. It is an ever ongoing project where by the Oracle of Ottawa is seeking wisdom, methods and algorithms to solve any big and/or small problem. It has been quiet useful with some big problems and much to the Oracles surprise it also works very well on the little aggravating problems.

Philishave - 1962, and yes you can sharpen the heads!!

If there is one thing that the Oracle of Ottawa truly loves, it has to be quality. There is hardly anything left in the Oracles secure bunker remaining that is made in China. It has all been replaced with the best domestic made goods. Sometimes these can only be replaced by a very careful search at the local thrift stores. When was the last time that you owned a really good can opener that was stamped Made in the USA?

With personal use items the Oracle of Ottawa is even more obsessive. The Oracle only uses the best he can buy and he uses them forever. As I pound this little missive the Oracle has realized that he has used the same hairbrush daily since about 1975! I paid nearly ten bucks for the darn thing, Made in Germany, and the bristles are still as stiff as the day of purchase. Even more amazing is that the Oracle still has roughly the same amount of hair to daily pull the brush through!

It was about two weeks ago that the Oracle noticed that his wonderful Philishave was starting to miss some hair on the craggy places of my neck. It is a 3000 series rotary three head, that is going into at least it's second decade. Although money is no object the Oracle realized that the parts have probably been long discontinued. Then the "Thinking about Thinking" lessons kicked in. Let the Oracle of Ottawa share the solution with you Dear Reader...

It is common knowledge that the steel in the Philishave rotary heads is the best. The damn things last forever. Top quality. It would be a shame to throw it out, it just needs a strop! If I could just get some fine scouring agent into the heads for a minute the Oracle was sure that the problem would be solved. Then the Oracle spotted the tube of Crest toothpaste on the counter! That is all there is to it Dear Reader. Take a small blob of toothpaste and place it in the center of the three rotors. Then with your finger rub it directly into the separate rotary heads, as it is running. (No awkward dis-assembly required...)  Then wet your finger and gradually apply water until the toothpaste foams up. Rinse the heads and then dry.

And it works like a charm! Why the Oracle of Ottawa totally shocked himself. It is all just critical thinking and logic applied left to right, and sometimes right to left. Results will vary, but the Oracle of Ottawa is very pleased that he will be keeping his Philishave for at least another couple of decades...   

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Justin Trudeau Whips It Out!

Knowledge, without personality, will not suffice.
Baltasar Gracian, The Science Of Success And The Art Of Prudence, Sec. 2

You just know the end is nigh when the Leader of the Third Party is talking like a Prime Minister with out the use of speaking points or 'do me' pink lipstick. But that was the case on Thursday of last week Dear Reader. The young Justin Trudeau was out giving a perfectly well attended speech. The latest poll data were in and the young Justin was way ahead in all of them. 

Justin Trudeau - The Next One...
 But it all went nuts at the question and answer period after the speech, hosted by the seasoned Don Newman, who the Oracle of Ottawa thought looked just great, for his exceeding number of years. When the young Next One  made the most excellent point that Canada would do much better by staying out of the Americans way in the airspace and rather contribute more to the humanitarian requirements of the 'wack the ISIS' mission. The line 'whip out our CF-18's to show them how hard they are' caused an absolute fire storm in the daily news cycle in Canada.

The Oracle of Ottawa damn near split a gut from laughing so hard, not to mention darn near falling off the couch. The image of Steve Harper of the 'Harper Government' running around naked in the middle east, save for his unraveling blue turban, with his half erect CF-18 flopping about in the breeze still brings a chuckle to the Oracle, even after so many days in passing. The Oracle of Ottawa saw it all as a defining moment. The balls of the young Justin have finally fully descended, no writ required. The next federal election campaign is now officially on.     

It is only the insanity of the last days of the Right Wing Revolution and the 'Harper Government' that would cause the creation of a mission for the Canadian Forces that would essentially entail dropping $100,000.00 smart bombs on $1.98 rag-assed jihadists! Even the thickest Conservative backbencher knows that the Americans don't need any more manned fighters to clutter up the already packed airspace of the middle east.  There are no doubt so many drones in the air at the time of this writing, that they require the air traffic control department of an aircraft carrier! 

You don't need the Oracle of Ottawa to tell you Dear Reader, that there are so many bodies under the ideological bus of the 'Harper Government' that the wheels can longer touch the ground. Now it appears that it is all much worse than that. The wheels are ready to completely fall off the bus all together. The bus is located in Ottawa at an out of the way location at a City of Ottawa snow plow garage, just outside the Chinese embassy personnel compound. If you go late at night you can see that said bus, now up on blocks, way at the back. If you are lucky, you will see the door open, with a weird old fat man at the steering wheel, with a grey toupee hanging off of the mirror, steering and shifting madly at the dead controls, screaming ' I,m driving the fuck out of this bus now!' at the top of his lungs... Such is the last waning days of the 'Harper Government'.