Saturday, April 30, 2011

Jack Layton LIKES Girls!!

The world goes on as before, and it turns out that nobody else seems to notice the unbearable lightness of being. 
Lewis H. Lapham, Money and Class in America,  p. 181

I first heard the amazing news on the CBC radio 9:00 am news this morning! My man Vladamir Jack was told by an unnamed police officer that the unnamed physio massage place he was at, for physiotherapy, might be a naughty place, sometime back in the 1990's! Well who could argue with that? When I repeated the words again in my head the more stupid and desperate it sounded. Ah! The Tory Stasi strikes again.... What a crock of shit. The real story is that the Tory war room night shift just got the latest numbers and the Depends all filled with a great rush of nervous excrement... old Jack will quite probably be Prime Minister of Canada come Tuesday morning... how to break it to the boss... double the "cold" medicine we are almost home lads.... What ever you do make sure his face stays frozen!

Later in the morning while watching briefly  the frenzy that the Sun News TV lads were in, it was all I could do to keep from laughing, again. God those poor people are so funny. The Oracle of Ottawa proceeded on his normal and much coveted Saturday Routine. Which as per every Saturday, was greatly enjoyed. Later after dinner, several "unnamed" sources of the Oracle of Ottawa contacted the fortified bunker with some very interesting intelligence indeed!  It seems that it is common knowledge at all the Dog walks and open run areas, through out Rockcliffe Park that there is one leader of an "unnamed" national party whose wife is / has split for shelter unknown.... and has only agreed to play "armrest" with that crazy insane bastard for a very large stipend from the coffers of one unnamed national party desperately in search of a majority....The Oracle of Ottawa is wondering with all his mental might at who could this mystery party be?

Geez and I thought Sun News TV was on my side! I simply can't understand how they missed this story? I mean the party of family and Jesus values, the last hope of the right and all that is fascist and pulsing like a morning piss hard on... Vote! Anybody But Conservative!!

Do her once for me Jack!.....

Monday, April 25, 2011

The Price of Gas and Perrier

Gifts blind the eyes.
The Oxford Dictionary of English Proverbs, Third Edition, p. 301

Easter Monday is the start of the "driving season". This is a seasonal trade for commodity speculators. That is, a trade that starts and stops at a begin date and ends at an end date (Labor Day) most every year. Or so they hope. Again, the price of gas is governed by a market. It consists of  a futures price and a spot price. The movement in the price is the war between what people think it will be worth in the future and what the people who have to buy and or supply gas pay for it today...Got that?

A couple of local gas bar owners hoping to generate some free buzz and advertising out on Ogilvie Road here in Ottawa decided to lower the price of gas from about $1.30 a litre down to about $1.11 a litre. Well of course Easter Monday is always a slow news day. So as soon as the local vulgar media got wind of it, it was all camera crews and talking heads to cover the banner story.. Would you believe that there was a line up down the length of Ogilvie Road! It took the poor trots and other pathetic skidmarks over an hour and a half to save less then $20.00! All driving the biggest and shiniest new SUV's and full sized sedans! And fighting for the next free pump! Ironically it was all middle easterners and tory red necks! What I still can't understand is that if they love capitalism so much why are they screaming for government intervention when THEY have to pay more? It is the one great mystery of the Right Wing I could never understand....

Actually, gas in Canada and the United States is a bargain. Actually it is cheaper than water! Right now a litre of gas costs about $1.30 a litre. A 750 ml bottle of Perrier water costs between $1.29 - $1.99! so lets calculate the 1000ml price of Perrier water....$1.72 - $2.65 a litre or 1000 milli litre's (ml)...Why gas is only half the cost of the high - end regular price of Perrier water! We could do this again using the Star-Bucks price for a $5.00 150ml serving of a Latte coffee, but you would feel stupid and get very angry.... And you guys in the European Union stop laughing so hard, you might pop something.

Of course if you want even cheaper gas, just stop buying it for a know, Capitalism, supply and demand, it will work. Won't it?

Some youngsters today do get it....

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Prime Minister Layton... President Obama Line 1....

It is the sign of a great spirit to be moderate in prosperity.
Seneca the Elder, Suasoriae, ch. 1, sect. 3; translation from Michael Winterbottom

RE: Sometime in the near future....

Prime Minister Layton:  Good morning Mr President.....

President Obama: I want to be the first to congratulate you on your stunning electoral victory... Goodness man, they all thought I was a long shot! Your the long shot champion now dawg!

Prime Minister Layton: Well Mr. President, it is all still a bit of blur. Olivia and I are just getting settled into 24 Sussex Drive. It is taking forever to get all that Wal-Mart junk out of the place....

President Obama: I feel ya bro! When the misses and I moved into the White House we were still finding bags of pork rinds and pretzels for months...

Prime Minister Layton: To be perfectly frank Mr. President, I had no idea at the start of the campaign that this would happen! The whole country is still in a state of shock. Geez, even Sun News TV went off the air...

President Obama:  Don't let the bastards get you down now. And talking about shock... my  Joint Chiefs are damn near ready to have kittens! They all think that you are related to Vladimir Lenin! Any truth to that Prime Minister, hate to ask, but I just got to know....

Prime Minister Layton: No Mr. President, it is just a coincidence of fate and appearance. Every one has been bugging me about that as long as I can remember...

President Obama: Well that is a real relief! Your damn lucky I am President right now... My Joint Chiefs are calling for an invasion of Canada,  Strike before the "Evil Empire" rebirths itself. If Dubbya was still President, you would be in real deep water partner... But relax. I accepted a few resignations this morning, your win sorta really helped me and my administration with some pretty tough problems...

Prime Minister Layton: (Gulp!...) Well...always happy to be of assistance Mr. President...

President Obama: I have to warn you Mr. Prime Minister that there are forces down here that even I can't get control of. What with the Tea Party and the fragmentation of the Republicans, not to forget the Bilderberg Group... and boy are they PISSED! Well the best way I can put it is: No open cars....

Prime Minister Layton:  Mother of Hell Busting Voting God!

President Obama: Say again Mr. Prime Minister?

Prime Minister Layton: Oh, ah,... I can see that this is all going to be quite a slog.....

President Obama:  You have no idea Mr. Prime Minister... You better have a real good doctor or some cases of Geritol stashed away.... (hearty laugh...)

Prime Minister Layton:  One more thing Mr. President... I heard on the campaign trail that your guys might have one of our Avro-Arrows in perfect mint condition stored in some place called Area - 51, apparently it is parked in an underground hanger right beside that Roswell flying saucer....Any chance we could cut a deal to get it back?

President Obama:  (voices in background...) Are you kidding me Mr. Prime Minister? I am having a hell of a time to get any info on that. And damn! I want to know about this stuff as much as you do... But all they do is send me those weird guys in suits and dark glasses with the weird grey skin. Creeps the hell out of me!

Prime Minister Layton:  I see....

President Obama:  Tell you what! If as and or when I finally get this out of them I will  stuff that heirloom in a Star - Lifter and ship it F.O.B. to your Aviation Museum up there in Ottawa forthwith. Deal?

Prime Minister Layton:  Thank you very much Mr. President....

President Obama:  Well, gotta skip, you have my number Mr. Prime Minister....

Prime Minister Layton:  Until next time Mr. President...(Click....)

Vladimir Jack can handle damn near anything...

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Geez! It's About Time! A Letter To First Time Voters

Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives...and to the " good life ", whatever it is and whatever it happens to be.
Hunter S. Thompson, Letter to Sally Williams, January 17, 1958, The Proud Highway, p. 101   

I t warms the Oracle of Ottawas heart to no end to see that the Canadian  youth have finally kicked in and realized the importance of one of their primary social duties as citizens. It is not only the old white guys and the residents of the senior citizens day rooms that are going to choose the next government. That is indeed a welcome change.

As the youth of Canada finally mobilize, the back room sweats in the Tory war room are gripped in fear and wet Depends. They did not see this coming. Make it decisive! You are already having an effect. Tory candidates in safe seats are being booed off the stage at the all candidates meetings. And they freaking well deserve it! The evil that you will put an end to on May 02, 2011 will affect the rest of your lives. And your childrens.

This election is especially important to all you young women. I can't stress this enough. If you decide to stay home on May 02, 2011, you might as well down load the burka app for your I-Phone! It is your demographic group that stands the most to lose if the Tory's get a solid majority. If you are still all mystified by the political party thing, just vote A-B-C. Anybody But Conservative.

In elections in Canada today there is no such thing as a "wasted" vote. Vote for who you really believe represents your best interest. Even if your candidate  does not win in your riding, the vote you cast  for that party will receive money for your vote.  If the Conservatives get a majority, that is one of the first things that will be out the window. They really hate true democracy. You alone are not smart enough to choose something as important as your own leaders really....It gets in the way of the Bilderberg Group directives...

If you are a youth growing up in a strict "ethnic" household don't discuss politics at home. If you are ordered to vote for a certain candidate nod yes in your most dutiful manner. No one will ever know who you voted for once you pull that curtain closed behind you on voting day...

The Oracle of Ottawa is what is referred  to in Quebec as "Pure Wool". My ancestors were one of the first founding families of " New France". I think it was 1621 when a French Navy ship deposited forty families on the shores of what is now Quebec. By the next spring only a few of these families survived the winter. It is  their names that clog the phone books today all across Canada! It is with the greatest wistful irony as I look back on my family tree that  has relatives from both sides of the Battle of the  Plains of Abraham. How Canadian is that?

My Grandfather was in Europe from 1939 to 1945. He ran into the awesome Kurt Meyer and his boy soldiers, among a whole lot of other stuff he would never talk about. Another uncle who spent the rest of his life with a steel plate in his skull, in constant pain till his death in the 1970's. Yes those Tiger Tanks were hell on earth.... And yet another uncle (yes I come from a large family...) who could never relate to anyone the sheer horror of seeing the Red Chinese coming in waves at his position in Korea. Don't let our ancestors down. More importantly, Don't let yourself down... VOTE!!

The Canadian Brass, demonstrating the Canadian way....

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Sun News TV - Welcome Comedy

" That dog? That dog's a boy. "
" It's a bitch, " said Tom decisively. "Here's your money,
Go and buy ten more dogs with it. "
F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby, (The Authorized Text), p. 32

Well it certainly is nice to see that some of the Sun Girls finally got day jobs at long last. Maybe that handsome meal ticket will be just along yet. More likely it will be the crude gropes of some ugly creep whose first or last name ends in "eza". The Oracle of Ottawa was quite shocked to see that Pat Bolland has agreed to sign on for passage to this doomed, slowly sinking ship. I find it very hard to believe that negotiations found the price point of this mans mortal soul. God's speed you poor fool!

Poor Jackie Delaney has also mortgaged her soul. But you can see in her body language, as she ponders, how low does a person have to go to make it in the Canadian media business? Poor thing, once I was sure she had a future.... And still she is not even making enough to own her own car. Celebrity with starvation.....

Of course it's true, I saw it on Sun News TV!

But I do love that weather girl! Damn! Today and tomorrow's weather is etched into my brain. It is going to be raining... raining nipples! Big, pointy, pink, puffy, poutty, nipples Yes Sir! But enough of that....Thanks for the mammaries! 

Sun News TV was on the air for only a few hours when all over Canada, at the party dress rack at the local Wal-Mart's there was a stampede of skidmark skanks all wanting to be hot like the Sun News girls! A Ukranine with a 44EEE chest in a thin strap cocktail dress is a sight that will stay with you forever....

It was a gallery of laughs as all the local Sun Media "celebrities" were no doubt forced to appear. The funniest cameo was that of Anthony Fury, who was so grateful that he broke out in a cunnilingus rash from nose to chin as he gushed his gratitude.... A laugh a minute.

Today's weather...

Then of course there's the guaranteed draw (of lawsuits and CRTC complaints) of the awesome Ezra Levant!
Now this should be sweet to watch unfold, like a train wreck, in slow motion... Mr. Levant has the same optometrist as " Bubbles " of the Trailor Park Boys. But the real gross out starts when he gets himself all worked up. Notice the camera is always far away in his shots? That's because when the lard and garlic of last nights perroggies start seeping out his skin, it is a room clearing event. Not to mention the grey-white snot balls that form at the corners of his mouth...eech....  Oy Vey!  The camera crews are unionized, so they can't risk a wild cat walk out. There is still some labour justice.

Then there is the Pat Bolland, Alex Pierson purity tell. Did you notice that? I did... The more "ethnic" the guest, the farther away he sits from the blessed whiteness of the pretty hosts! And how Alex gets closer to Mr. Bolland. I just couldn't believe it.

Canadian medias " Valley of Ashes " has a new grate.

Product differentiation is very important and should be done carefully BEFORE you start a new venture.....

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Canada Election 2011- Three Strategic Votes

Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, p. 22

What are we seeking when we cast are vote in a federal election? I suppose that each of us have our own reasons. Some, only, perhaps the heart can tell. But I will tell you what I look for when I vote. And I haven't missed a federal election since the mid 1970's. I damn well want the biggest bang for my buck and my vote. I want to be represented by the best possible person. And I damn well expect to see my riding prosper from my vote. How hard is that?

Sometimes though, it pays to put the partisan crap away for a session or more. Especially if you are voting in a small economic riding that has been sliding away before your eyes for years. Why even in a situation were your riding has "been in power" and is still sliding away before your eyes, you have to start thinking out of the box. No?
I have been pondering three special situations that would benefit the underlying riding by making a "strategic" vote. A smart strategic vote can give your riding real leverage. You could end up with the result of being represented by the equivalent of five back benchers and a cabinet minister. In a thin minority government, a free independent member representing you,  could bring benefits to your riding for more than a lifetime.....

Simcoe - Gray; Helana Guergis

This riding has about 117,000 residents and covers a huge area of about 2500 sq. km.! Now with your one vote how could you keep the words "Simcoe-Gray " in the news for the next couple of years? A vote for one Helana Guergis would do that. The crap that this woman went through is just the tip of the ice berg. This is standard Tory Bund practice. It is called TMD. That stands for Total Mental Destruction...and yes it is the same method that we use on non-militant combatants. And it is standard practice in the Tory Bund to keep all the minions in line. This is not an exception, it is just standard practice. Are you going to stop this for ever or what?

Saanich-Gulf Islands; Elizabeth May

With all respect, who even heard of Saanich - Gulf Islands? It sounds like a organic eatery menu item. I figure it must be a hell of a fine place and all. But if all you had to do was vote for Liz May to let the whole world hear the name Saanich - Gulf Islands repeated till the whole world was sick of hearing it, a vote for the Greens is a pretty economically effective investment. Not to mention the permanent place in ecological history. That would be really good for tourism wouldn't it?

Renfrew - Nippissing - Pembroke; Hec Clouthier

I saved this riding for the last because this is the birth riding of the Oracle of Ottawa.All my formative years were spent in this riding. Different towns at different times, but all in this riding. From birth to age nineteen. Then I got smart and decided to follow the money. You know a town is dying when you can visibly see it start to fold back into the ground from whence it came. Like when a building burns down, falls down and / or is knocked down leaving a hole on the street never to be replaced. This is sadly visible in Pembroke and in Arnprior Ontario. The only thing that Cheryl Gallant has done for the riding is to make the decline respectable. It is time to try something else. What have you got to lose?

First thing; Hec creeps me out. The creepy demeanor, the eunuch voice, the DSM-IV ego issues. Christ I'm breaking out in goose bumps! And that fucking hat shlick. Jesus on a log boom, he's no Mac Beatty... Just the guy you people need! And for all his "assets" Hec knows the game. You gotta give him that! Did he even finish high school? Perfect. I learned a wonderful Jewish saying in Ottawa. "It isn't the nickle that gets you the seat on the bus. It's the garlic." Jews are pretty smart. You guys up the valley should get smart like that too! You dumb rubes!! Send Hec to Ottawa for a few terms and I swear this creepy geek will bring the riding a CERN particle accelerator! I am telling ya! They will give this guy anything just to make him go away! Up the Valley Hec is a little weird... In Ottawa he is utterly repulsive! Make it work for you people!!! And I really mean that about the particle accelerator... Hec as slight as he is, thinks big. Turn him loose and enjoy the loot!

Creepy as hell to look at and worse to listen to, but the logic is impeccable! You have tried everything else.....

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Ryan Keon,Wikipedia and the World

No I thought, that geek in Colorado had it all wrong. The real problem is how to wallow with the eagles at night and then soar with the pigs in the morning. 
Hunter S. Thompson, The Great Shark Hunt, The Gonzo Papers Vol. 1, p. 433

If the great Doctor were alive and well today and stranded in a sound proof suite at the Westin Hotel in downtown Ottawa with the best rented IBM Thinkpad Laptop and the Rolling Stone freaking out for more copy, with only hours before the press deadline, which Federal Election race in Ottawa do you think he would write about?

Yes you got it in one! Nepean-Carleton is by far the most interesting and discussed campaign in Ottawa in this Federal Election. It has everything. The decadent and despised incumbent, The King Hell Bastard of a bad dream, Dream candidate out for the incumbents hide, with every apparent chance of getting it. I of course am referring to the Ryan Keon stalk for Little Polly Poilievre's hide.

It must be going very well indeed! The Tory War Room has even managed to remove Ryan Keons article from Wikipedia! It was all the workings of a user from and of the faculty of the University of North Carolina!
You can be pretty assured that it is not the home of the American Socialist Party. What was the cause of all the trouble was that Little Polly "studied" this and that at the University of Calgary while Ryan Keon's article stated that he not only "studied" more than Little Polly but actually graduated! I am sure you can see where all this is going. As I stated in earlier postings, the reach of the Tory Stasi and / with the Bilderberg Group connections is world wide. 

The reason for Ryan Keons article deletion was lack of notability! What a crock of shit! If you were an known associate of any one of the Five Family's in New York at any time, you would have an article on Wikipedia! No published books, no political office, just that you were a crook in a Mob Family. That in the United States is notable. An honest and prominent lawyer from an august family is not notable! Especially if you are a Liberal or a Democrat.

It is all in the home stretch now. Little Polly is acting like it is all normal, but you can see the fear in his eyes as he feels the suck of the ebb tide pulling at his dainty ankles... He now has that exhausted confused look of the sexy altar boy who is no longer considered attractive enough for further "mentoring". It has been so much fun to watch. Meanwhile on the ground, Little Polly is being out signed throughout his riding. And we all know the rules of the game, don't we? The man with the biggest "sign(s)" wins....

An ancient tune from an ancient time.....

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Gilles Duceppe - Captain Canada?!

His eyes were wild, his hands were flapping crazily. "Did you hear that ?" he shouted.
I stared at him. Well...I thought, were fucked. He heard it, too...
Hunter S. Thompson, The Great Shark Hunt, Gonzo Papers Vol.I, p. 446

RE: English Leaders Debate

It is only an indication of the degree of the extreme weirdness of this campaign when the Oracle of Ottawa is mightily impressed by Gilles Duceppe. The vulgar media in all its formats refuse to give this outstanding man his due. Of all the leaders, it was Gilles that had the poshest suit, the best hair, and the acid wit that would rip the balls of of any Calgary stockyard bull. Jack Layton was dressed like a very competent Union rep. that got all his clothes at a Salvation Army. Which is not meant as an insult, but rather his high degree of prudence. Michael Ignatieff got all his clothes over the years at various small boutique shops just off the campus he happened to be at the time. Proof that quality lasts forever. And that leaves us with the sage and daring Steve Harper who was of course shod out at the local Wal-Mart....

Gilles Duceppe - A Great Canadian...

One of my favorite Duceppe attributes is his knowledge of the Conservative, Bilderberg Group, Right-wing, wack-ball agenda. I will bet that "Steve" fears him the most of the lot.. He just won't go away. Year in, year out, one parliament to the next, that damn frog bastard is freaking undead!  And better looking then ever. Better looking than a Separatist has a right to look. Such is the sour grapes of the Canadian political milieu.

The Oracle truly enjoyed every spar and square inch of raw flesh  that Gilles took out of Steve Harpers hide. Gilles had total control and understanding of the monster he faced. For example when he exposed the Tory methods from their own playbook. Such as the present method of campaigning not to scare the middle of the road vote in the hope of stealing a majority. But once with that majority how it would all un-fold. The private members bill for No abortion. The private members bill for Capital Punishment. The private members bill for Pay For View Hangings that would certainly pay off the deficit in quick order.

Stitch in some more stars, were coming....?

Gilles totally has the English gringo's number. Then it dawned on me like a past blast of that wonderful black waxy hash, or that wonderful Carleton University synthetic mescaline we all used to do back in the 1970's. Gilles Duceppe is saving Canada! The insane irony of it all! It brings tears to the eyes. Because of Gilles Duceppe there will be no Conservative majority. No one has ever scored a power majority with out the assent of the First Empire, and well and good that is! It truly proves the Canadian Parliamentary system works. And even in the case of the thinnest out of Quebec majority, it will be Gilles Duceppe and the Bloc Quebecois that will put the nuts to the Tory Bund World Wide Domination Tour in quick order as their Ambassador in Paris informs the French Government and the European Union they got a couple more new members coming on board. Can't happen? Oh Ya?

Retirement comes to us all of course. And someday Gilles' road will come to a well deserved rest spot. That of course is when Prime Minister Justin Trudeau should appoint him to the Canadian Senate! Just to keep the remaining Harper appointees shitting their Depends until they retire or die.

Greg Lake, Montreal Stadium , 08-26-1977, C'est bon Gilles? Merci Patron....

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Election Time In Ottawa, Watch Where You Sit!

But give a coward ten pistols and if attacked he will not be able to fire a single shot.
Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf, Chapter XII, The First Period Of Development... p. 332 (Manheim Translation)

Up in the Great White North we have certain social traditions. One of them is the coffee circle at Tim Horton's. If your retired or just never going to work again you fall in every morning to your circle. Of course for the Oracle of Ottawa this is no exception. Also it is a great way to piece out that middle of the night blog posting.. You can hear a lot of stuff in a Horton's on any given day... The Oracle feels compelled to share a wild story, of a former City of Ottawa employee, who, due to a pending labour grievance, and other pending civil litigation, will have to be referred to as Mr. S.

It was back in the fall of 2008. Just before the federal election. Mr. S. a water meter reader for the City had copped a route out on Eagleson Road in Kanata. At that rather large and drab development directly across from the Horton's. At 9:30 am Mr. S had his usual  medium double-double and a cinnamon roll (frosted) and proceeded to make himself comfortable. He then starts hearing the proceedings of a rather bizarre stream of what sounded to be a meeting of the most right-wing wack-ball shit he only ever heard about on You-Tube! After nearly choking to death on his coffee he decided to "risk one eye" and turn around and check-it-out. At the table directly at his back were two or three wack-ball evangelicals up from the States. Complete with the "you-all" and the giveaway fake patent leather rubber soled shoes that are standard issue in the United States Navy.  I am sure you remember that this came up...there were several hundred "little helpers" from various right wing wack ball orgs in the States that were granted visa's to help the Tories in their hour of need.... Well folks those stories were true.

"You will never be a super-power..."

Mr. S. also related to the Oracle that the wives of the said motley crew were seated separately at a  far off table. They were very hardened, ugly, Filipino looking types that looked  like they were acquired at some human slavers end of run sale! The only thing missing was the burkas! The "advisors" carried on without missing a beat... It all would have ended uneventful  save for the next line of advice that the group was directing to a little wizzened old white guy... "Look, you will never be a super-power until you can get the Canadian people to stop being excited about their kids coming back to Canada in boxes..."  Mr. S. is himself a veteran. "Something just snapped inside" he related to the Oracle... "I climbed up one side and down the other of each one of those animals...."

The little old grey haired guy turned out to be one Gordon O'Connor! At that time, Canada's Minister of National Revenue! And before that Minister of National Defense. For crying out loud! What was one of the highest ministers of the Canadian State doing holding a Campaign Organization Meeting in a freaking Tim Horton's? Mr. S. had no idea at the time how this one stupid encounter would affect his whole life. The Tory Stasi swung into gear and full-metal motion...Fellow travelers were employed from the heart of the Nepean stronghold of you know who... Several weeks later the destruction of Mr. S. was commenced... Complete with Mission Impossible set-ups, manipulated psychiatric profiles, completed by one Ron S... The Tory Stasi runs deep in Ottawa. They can destroy anyone they choose. Just like an American spy thriller, except it goes on for months, The person is dismissed from their jobs with a an attached No Trespass Order. So that you can not even get your "out services". Then the coup de gra;  after six to eight months  send you a bill for $48,000.00  claiming salary overpayment....

Is this story to wild to be true? Well I'll tell you what. Next time you go to Centrepointe to pay your Taxes ask about that water meter reader. Ya the one with twenty three years of faultless service. Painted out to his peers to be mentally-ill but with nothing in writing...Reputation and career destroyed...Left at the side of the road like a bag of steaming hot excrement. Tory style....(Documents to follow?)   

Election time in Ottawa, be very careful where you sit....

 "Whole bottle of...." See earlier posting... I am not the only one after-all!

Monday, April 11, 2011

John Baird - The Devastating Tell

I learned that it is the weak who are cruel, and that gentleness is to be expected only from the strong.
~ Leo Rosten

Do you remember that Conservative Prime Minister we once had about twenty-thirty years ago? Do you remember when he lied his voice would get lower and lower? By the end of his period in office he was sounding like Feodor Chaliapin! Oy! Those were the days weren't they?

Cut to the present day. One the most infamous Tory's of the monstrous Blue Machine has provided us and will for a short time more, provide us, with entertaining mirth. I speak of course of the great man John Baird.
Have you noticed that when all is going his way, he is loud brash and slow? But when his little micro-dic is in the pencil sharpner his voice drops to a pleading near whisper and speeds up? I noticed this today as they old vulgar media caught him off guard on a question about misleading parliament on that rather epic money spending piss-up known as the G8 Summit held out in the sticks somewhere in Nowhere Ontario, I believe in the riding of one Tony (I didn't do it...) Clement! It was mighty entertaining...

Whadda ya mean? "I don't like Dim Sung"?

And were you watching when the Tory war room brain trust had him go out in front of the National Media to say very quickly and in a low, low voice how the Tory's were not going to gut the Federal Civil Service? Of course he was telling the truth! It then became quite obvious that the Tory secret agenda in a majority government is to dismantle our Health Care system. And just like that union busting governor in the States, some billionaire has probably offered to fly him down to an exclusive tax-haven to show him and all a "really good time" if as and when he can pull it off. My reward; a bag of quarters in front of the slut machine of my choice! I mean slot machine... Or maybe a speaking slot at the next Bilderberg Group hoe-down...

But as I have discovered, and related to you, something weird is in the air here in Ottawa. Things just are not going to turn as per the Tory playbook. Forces that have not ever been dealt with are at this very moment coiling themselves up in rage to strike down the evil man love empire.The case of the missing Tory campaign signs continue. There is hardly a one to be seen anywhere in Ottawa! Could it be that Mr. Minister Baird is soon to learn the meaning of "Flash Mob" ?

So the Tory blue sinking scum were lying at the time! Well, well. Notice the speed and pitch of Bairds voice. A classic tell.....

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Conservative Slow Motion Implosion Continues

As I grow older, I have had to discard some ideas and policies because they no longer make sense. This strikes me as entirely healthy. I would invite others to do the same. 
Bob Rae, The Three Questions,  Preface, p. ix

The Oracle of Ottawa's prescience is only exceeded by his awesomeness! As per earlier postings when I relayed the feeling on the ground, here, in Ottawa that some big, big, freaking change is just waiting to explode on the national psyche I have observed nothing to date to change that opinion. As a matter of fact I see this tsunami cocking up like a Colt .50 calibre hand gun.

The latest indication, while the Oracle was on his coveted Saturday routine, as is my want, to perform my special downtown weekly book crawl, was the immediate notice of all the Tory signs that were visible last week are for some unexplained reason today.. well... gone! The backfire has started. And I have never seen anything like it in all the recent past. I admit I was shocked! This kidnapping of Tory campaign signs is endemic in every riding I have driven through this weekend.  Even, I must admit, here outside the fortified bunker in Ottawa South! At the start of the campaign the Tory's put up a sign larger than Dave McGuinty's at Russell Road at St Laurent Blvd. as they always do...But since the Press coverage of the other party sign vandalism in Tory ridings, the Tory signs all through the City of Ottawa are being held for ransom?

In Sundays Ottawa Citizen there was a story on the great Cheryll Gallant up in Pembroke Ontario who looks all but a goner! Any more of this and I am expecting Jesus on the front lawn at any moment! Canvasing with Elizabeth May, for the Green Party! What else could possibly happen to the hapless and soon to be in the wilderness Tories? Much to my amazement the answer to this question was made clear on the way home from dinner at the Mandarin on Ogilvie Road... The first free time CBC radio commercials were airing... I caught the Bloc Quebecois spot, where Gilles Dueceppe called the Conservative Party of Canada CREATIONIST!  What a howl! I damn near wrecked the car, I was laughing so hard.... You know when you hear something like that the whole shooting match is up in smoke.

But in retrospect as I bang this out on my trusty IBM Thinkpad (T41) appreciating the fast action keyboard, just as another irreverent writer of my youth loved his IBM Selectric, I can only think of one of his greatest lines...."Yesterdays weirdness is tomorrows reason why." (See earlier postings....) And here, in Ottawa, the last couple of years have been really freakin' weird....

It's up to you, you Game Boy, X-Box, Crack berry hammering young punks! This is your Canada to lose...

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Harper War Room Rep-Lies To The CBC

Governments steer better than they row.
Bob Rae, The Three Questions, Chapter Five, The Second Question: Charity and Welfare-The Old Debate Is New Again, p. 98

Dear CBC:

We regret to inform you that the Prime Minister will be unavailable for the allocated equal time interview of  Canada's national party leaders. We have been unable to finish the Prime Ministers notes, due to the fact that we have run out of junior staff members. 
                                                                                                        The War Room

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Soaring Canadian Dollar-How To Stop It

The Pusher always gets it back. The addict needs more and more junk to maintain a human off the Monkey.
William S. Burroughs, Naked Lunch, Deposition: Testimony Concerning A Sickness, p. x

See! Being a Steve Harper economic super power has its downside doesn't it?  When you weigh the pros and cons it really sucks. Just ask all those bankrupt small manufacturers scattered all over Canada...Talk about insult to injury. These guys for the most part were dyed in the wool screaming blue Tory's. One must continue to ponder the irony. This, admittedly, is hard to do without laughing out loud.

When one ponders the economic text book causes of the high Canadian dollar, one is starring out to a very improbable disconnect. According to the deficit numbers and all that big bad debt, how on earth can the Canadian dollar be trading at a premium to the United States dollar? The first thing a good Conservative will quip is that are banks are so sound. Don't fool yourself. They just haven't got caught yet!  Could it be that all that hot Bilderberg Group advised money is flowing into Canada in the expectation of a future event? Say the wildly improbable dream of a Tory majority?  Third world corporate tax rates, A Wal-Mart from sea unto shining sea....The first minimum security penal colony in the New World? Okay the second...I will give that title to the United States...the shit is really going to hit the fan when it finally dawns on Bubba...

I'm a lumber-jack and I'm okay.. really..

The market has spoken, you say, and we must live with what the cosmopolitan Bilderbeg's have chosen for us. It is simply the golden rule; he who has the gold, makes the rules. Let us not be hasty in mortgaging the back Forty Acres.... On May 2, 2011 we have an opportunity to lower that Canadian dollar for the next decade or two. It is a very simple algorithm, I call it A, B, C, Anybody but Conservative! When you vote, ignore the Conservative candidate, and then simply pick the best candidate remaining. Don't worry if it be Liberal, NDP, Green Party or hell even the Bloc Quebecois! If the Liberals or the NDP get that 12 seat majority the international hot money will drain out of Canada faster than a Texas hot tub pierced by a .357 Magnum handgun blast! 

This shit?, Got all kinds of it....
 Just think of it. The corporate tax rates will rise. And then the trickle will turn into a flood. The Canadian dollar will float down to a nice, say, 69.8 cents U.S. Woo-Hoo! Now you can find a job in Windsor and London Ontario! Lets not raise the corporate tax's to 19%, lets raise them to 40% ! Just like in the 1960's!
Sure some corporate bums will bail, mostly the ones we don't want here anyway! Soon all the required and desired social programs will be up and running, the infra-structure will be built and rebuilt. This will run up the debt a little more and will keep the Canadian dollar down to a job seeker rich environment. For decades to come, you know, it is just like stacking the Senate!  (And I like the idea behind the chamber of sober second thought...and myself? I don't want it dinked with. The Oracle of Ottawa expects to be appointed to the Senate one fine day. The perfect end to a perfect life...)

Then, mark my words, something very strange will happen. You will have a lot of the finest corporate outfits in the world who are not already here, coming here. All the others will take advantage of the ideal social state to commit large sums of capital to enable themselves to stay here in presence into the far future.  I certainly hope all you youngsters out there ditch the Game Boy and Level 2 of Special Ops on voting day to get out and get this job done! (Gotta go, and get some Canadian dollar puts, down the range....)

Follow the above advice and be able to afford your kids piano lessons.....

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Tory Cloud Rapidly Expands

If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face— forever.
George Orwell , Nineteen Eighty-Four,  Chapter 3

Even the Oracle of Ottawa is shocked at how well the Tory's are sticking to the usual campaign play book. Possibly thinking that the the Ryan Keon incident of sign vandalism was an exception, the adjoining riding of John Baird suffered a tornado of candidate sign vandalism, every one that is except Mr. Baird. Strange that, isn't it?

It would be a lie if I told you that the spectator scanning of Tory events and the evictions therefrom was not greatly amusing. Now when the party in power cannot bear to have a closet Liberal present or someone else from outside the fold, you must conclude that their is information here! In reality how confident are the Conservatives?  All this confirms my deepest and worst fears.

I had a Secret security clearance once. Decades ago when i was a young lad, all fab... Even back then, if you were a convicted felon, there was simply no question about it. You could never, in this present lifetime, get a Secret security clearance. Full stop and end of story. The only thing that amazes me is how the Tory's can scan a whole crowd, and make every one of their "events" a pink free zone and yet can't call up a criminal file on a job applicant to the Prime Ministers Office? Amazing that... Utterly amazing.

Actually it is only getting started! ( Or... "Wally " Bison races to his next "job")

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Letter To Diane Holmes

Each circle is the miniature picture of the deformities of this political monster. 
The Federalist, James Madison, No. 19

Dear Ms. Holmes:

Where have all the sidewalks gone? Gone to subcontractors and consultants, every one. It was heart wrenching to watch you on the local vulgar media recently, bemoaning the scandal of the present condition of sidewalks and  the absence of a sidewalk replacement plan in the City of Ottawa. It certainly isn't like the old days of The Regional Municipality of Ottawa-Carleton is it? As each additional year passes it must get harder and Harder for you and all the remainders of us that once knew and enjoyed that great moment in Ottawa's civic past.

Municipal politics should be the most boring beat on this Gods earth. There are just a few things you have to do really well. Pick-up the garbage, make sure the citizens don't die from cholera in the water, print the parking tickets, sell the dog tags... It still isn't rocket science is it? But do you notice that every year it seems to get harder and Harder?

Let's see if we can find your sidewalks. On the front page of today's Ottawa Sun , the banner headline stated
that the City spent 138 million dollars on consultants last year! I am not sure, but I think that is a lot of sidewalk. The main problem is this system itself. That is the the whole subcontracting monster. Now when you bring this up you get the best Barhaven smirk and the litany of how fair and efficient that it all is. Sort of like that old argument of the division of labour. But I am sure you know from long experience that the whole system is actually totally inefficient and rife with opportunities for nepotism and corruption.

How hard is this?

The main problem here, as you know, is with "staff", especially those that think that they have proprietary rights to the departments that the taxpayers let them run. All the contractors want the City of Ottawa gig. The cheques never bounce. Now ask yourself, who is in line to work? Who decides what place each individual  entity has in this line? Who decides and how, which entity works next? It makes the present system rife with opportunity for corruption. And it is not efficient. Paying out over $ 100,000.00 to collect a $300.00 speeding ticket is proof! (Remember that one?)

There are ways and means that you can put the wrench into this gearbox Ms. Holmes. Start with transparency, (!)  that will do in over 75% of the waste right off the top. Remember, the louder the liitle pig(s) out at Centrepoint squeals the closer you are to having gotten it right.

Did you here the one about little Ken H.? That has spent damn near a million tax dollars harassing an employee he fired over a year ago for a crummy 40 large? You will.....

Some one who has  graduated from McGill University will enjoy this.  All the best Ms Holmes....

Monday, April 4, 2011

Tax and Spend or Tax and Thieve?

Well, Just watch me!
Pierre Elliot Trudeau,  CBC Interview, October 13, 1970

Day 10 of campaign 2011 has come and gone. And nothing has changed with the Oracle of Ottawa. This election is to me, simply about finding the best person I can to represent the Greater Good and the good souls of my fellow countrymen. Steve Harper still utterly frightens me, Micheal Ignatieff is greatly impressing me, and Jack Layton still warms my soul.

The programs proposed by Micheal Ignatieff are to me the best spending of a tax dollar that any government can make. You see Mr Ignatieff understands the concept that, economically, there are one or two, shall we call them "endowments" that are in infinite supply. The most valuable one being the unrealized potential of the citizens. It is always in unlimited supply, therefore breaking all the old rules of "classical economics". All you have to do is develop it and damn will that tax revenue flow in! Now I got all the Conservatives scratching their heads in total confusion. Well how do you get a kick-back from that socialist stuff?

Now the Conservatives have a "different " model. No matter how rich and well off Canada ever gets, no one under any circumstance, can ever have anything, if it appears the citizen is getting something for nothing. Efficient government taxing and spending to gradually get more tax, is utterly stupid! Being in office and "power" is just stupid  if you can't make it pay for yourself. So to make a pile for yourself before you get found out you follow the money. Now it is the filthy rich corporations  that have all the money, and are always wanting something, not unlike a welfare mother or a senior citizen, but just richer! Hay! Its the first thing you learn out west / or on the farm... You go where it flows! Right?

And now I just wonder how low we will go as a Nation, before we all rise up and take the Equitable Canada that we all deserve. Are you going to let the blue sinking scum turn this great country into a Bilderberg Group penal colony? Are we going to create the Conservative level playing field? By turning Canada into a Third World country? Thrown wide open to every low life soul fucking corporate whore that can slip the Tory scum the cash entrance fee? Well? Are you going to let that happen?

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Ryan Keon's Dark Road

But even as they raved, you could hear a hollow kind of paranoid uncertainty in their voices, as if they could already feel the ebb tide sucking around their ankles...
Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Limbo: The Scum Also Rises, Rolling Stone, #171,October 10, 1974

It was just this Friday past, that I saw the first of Ryan Keon's shiny new Liberal campaign signs out on Robertson Road,  in not one of the better Ottawa neighbourhoods. And somehow this guy looked real familiar... By all appearances, and the trusted aspects of first impressions that the first sight of an unknown fellow human brings, I knew right there and then that this was certain death for the political career of one Pierre " Little Polly" Poilievre! The mighty Liberal machine has awoken from its slumber and finally found a Cadillac candidate to run against one of the most despised Tory's in the Ottawa area.

I like you, have winced in agony, disgust and deep embarrassment at every sleazy misstep this young punk " Little Polly " has managed to get himself into. The Oracle Of Ottawa resides in his fortified bunker somewhere in Ottawa South, and has much to be proud of regarding the quality of  the  representatives that this riding has historically sent to Parliament Hill and Queens Park. For the decades I have resided  in Ottawa South I can not recall one incident of vandalism on any candidate running in any level of any civic election.


Cut to this morning. A Sunday at home, following my much coveted "Sunday Routine" of much reading and many coffee's. I turned on the television to CTV News Channel to get a quick update on the pulse, and was utterly disgusted and aghast when those same shiny new Ryan Keon signs were shown vandalized, by a cross and a circle. At first I didn't get it! I thought it was an occult satanist symbol. But when the commentary continued to explain that more than 100 of his campaign signs had been vandalized in the same manner and hand, well, I felt that bubbling of a wave of rage and disgust rise from deep and dark within me...This is Ottawa, the seat of Federal government in Canada! Not freak'n Florence in the early 16th century!

While out to my local mall on the Sunday stroll, I copped an Ottawa-Sun which had a very good one page spread on the incident. The symbol was that of a crosshair, the image you see looking down a sniper scope. Then I got it! It was of the same style and type as the Sarah Palin web site used! (SarahPAC) This citizen is not amused! As a matter of fact, this citizen is sorely pissed! And you should be to! Still, this Ryan Keon looks weirdly familiar.. I made a mental note to check him out on Wikipedia after several social engagements the Oracle Of Ottawa is want to do on a Sunday...

Upon returning to the fortified bunker after a fine non corporate dinner, somewhere in Eastview , I got down to the Ryan Keon article on Wikipedia. And I was stunned to find out that Ryan Keon is Doctor Wilbert Keons son!  And that "Little Polly" is screwed for sure! He is totally outclassed. Compare the articles... In this race "Little Polly" will look like a tea spoon following  a steam shovel, well, rather, I would have to say a very large drag-line excavator! If the good doctors son has one tenth of his fathers royal jelly he will make a fine and long member of the next Parliament.

It was 1973, my father was felled from a massive heart attack at the Gillies Mill office in Braeside Ontario. He was not found for over 45 minutes.. He had just turned 39. When they wheeled him into the Arnprior General I saw him, his face I will never forget.. grey, blue, purple, and a really weird shade of green. They rushed him to the Civic in Ottawa. They gave him 90 days to live. Once when all us kids went to visit him a young doctor entered the room and he looked all the world then as Ryan looks now and said " Tom, I wonder if we could try a new procedure...".  I was up to Arnprior today, to see my Dad... He is pushing 80, not daisy's...

We got a lot of work to do in Ottawa. This town is soon going to be a Tory free zone....

Saturday, April 2, 2011

In Canada, A Four Eyed Tory Will Never Be King

The premise of neo-conservatives is that markets left to their own devices will produce the best possible result, and that political interference is not required. This defies the human reality that people are not commodities, and simply refuse to behave as if they were.
Bob Rae, The Three Questions, Chapter two, p. 39-40

The siege of sleaze of the cosmopolitan Tory's is nearing the end. Ottawa in the last couple of years has been a lot like Washington in the last day's of the infamous Nixon administration back in the 1970's. And this to will pass, like a Taco Bell burrito, lovingly made by an attendant who has just cleaned the toilets without wearing the gloves, and forgetting to wash his hands. The event will be "moving" at the time, but will soon be forgotten... And most certainly, just like getting rid of the Tory's, you will probably be required to flush twice.

The local vulgar media laments at the fact that the Tory poll numbers have not budged in the least. Two local ridings now presently held by the two most prominent members of the Tory man love triangle, have real comers to run against this time around. Plus all the victims of the Tory Stasi are joyfully waiting for the moment to pound one more blue stake through the heart of the Tory beast, come voting day on May second. What goes around, comes around. This is not to be confused with an eleven way, Mr. Baird.... 

Meanwhile out in Kanata, a certain geriatric train wreck, at the age seventy something, is truly beyond his "best before date" by at least a decade! If he pulls it out of the fire one more time, it will be a wheel out to the Day Room after Question period... Not anything that will inspire a lot of confidence. You know, a lot like the last parliament!   

A lot of people ask the Oracle of Ottawa if Pierre "Little Polly" Poilievre is as creepy in person as he appears to be on television. The Oracle of Ottawa must inform you of the truth. That is a total lie! "Little Polly" is ten times creepier in real life! A force field of radiant evil emits from his angelic visage, it is like looking at Henrich Himmlers baby pictures. His husband holds the riding adjoining.... But I digress.

Iggy for PM! Its on and damn near in and done already.....