Monday, January 31, 2011

A Little Harsh?



" concessions to adversaries only end in self reproach, and the more strictly they are avoided the greater will be the chance of security."
Thucydides, History of the Peloponnesian War,  Book I, 1.34-[3]

Geez, I should give the other side of the story regarding the F-35 purchase, and I will. Fair and full.


CFM-29 Defending Canada Woo-Hoo!!

You really can't get angry at the poor Conservatives. Do you think the guys that sell American Fighters just show up in Ottawa and ask " Do you wanna buy some jets?" Ha ! Thirty or forty years ago that was pretty well the style. But today, before these guys do the pitch they know the key people better than they know themselves! These big contractors use NLP (Neural Language Programming), full board certified shrink consultants .. Mental and psychological profiles are slowly prepared and studied..  You name it and it is employed.

That is why this is happening. The people these contractors have to deal with are not the best and the brightest. It has been generations that we have had such a weak mental bunch. That is why, you the voter, MUST do your home work before you vote! Sure, voting for the radio talk show personality in Ducks Ass Alberta might seem like a great joke and poke in the Easterner's face. But the joke will eventually be on you and the rest of your fellow Canadians! When you send a flawed person to Ottawa there is a host of brilliant, highly enumerated host of parasites and outright life force blood suckers just waiting to feast on their stupidity.
And they are not starving this term are they?

All right, here is the other side of the story in perfect unvarnished truth....


Now go home and do YOUR homework!

On the F-35

"here we bless your simplicity but do not envy your folly."
Thucydides,History of the Peloponnesian War,  5.105-[3]

Canada as you know is planning to buy 65 F-35 fighters for $ 9.00 billion!! Plus another 5-6 billion to keep them in the air for the first twenty years! The F-35 is being sold as a Stealthy Fighter... A fighter is only Stealthy if you get it back at the end of the day! The F-35 can fly at Mach 1.6. It only has one engine. Its combat radius is less then 600 nm. It is unbuilt and unproven. You gotta be kidd'in me , right? The Oracle of Ottawa is not impressed at all. So I did some shopping on Wikipedia.

F-35, $138 million...

For that kind of money I want kick-ass flat out speed, like mach 2.25 + That is all the Stealth you really need!
I want two goddamn engines, not one! I want something that would give a dead men a hard on. I mean Shit! A fighter plane should look like a goddamn fighter plane! Not a marketer's jerk-off! I want it cheap and easy to work on and the ability to substitute different kinds of engines and avionics (gee that's hard to spell...). Ideally I would like to buy just a whole bunch of airframes and put in my own Canadian made engines...i.e. Restart the Canadian Military Aerospace Industry!  I want it battle proven and presently in production. 
I think I found something you all might like....

Mig 29; $24 million... Hot Damn!!
For $ 9.0 billion we could buy ...(carry the zero's...) 375(!!!) Mig - 29's. This thing with tweaked Canadian avionics could eat a F-35 any time, day or year!! Now you fighter jockey's out at Cold Lake quit drooling... You know what you would rather fly don't ya??  For every one F-35 we could have 5.75 Mig-29's! Now my buddy Ivan at the Russian Embassy has confided that an order for a mere 65 units could be had out of stock!! And this will include all the special tools; Canadian Tire socket set, 10lb. sledge hammer, crow bar 36", and the finishing  tool, one Russian Beech baseball bat. Very easy to work on, lasts forever, battle and climate tested... Many Happy customers..... Peter Mckay SIGN ME UP!! 


Watch this carefully.... Did ya see the 150 degree Cobra? Can an F-35 do that? Would you want to be in an F-35 against this (bargain basement) monster? Call your Tory MP and give him a dump off ! It seems that only way some politicians can tell  the difference between a dog and fighter aircraft is that they know that eventually the dog will piss on their leg.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Management of Ottawa Trade Union Starts Band...

Every one knows that there are no real forests in England.The deer in the parks of the great are demurely domestic cattle, fat as London alderman. 
Karl Marx, Das Kapital, Buch I, Chapter 31, p. 827

Another first! The Oracleofottawa has received a brown envelope under the door. With a video.. It seems that the managers of  large municipal trade union in Ottawa and selected members of management of "the employer" is in the process of starting an edgy rock band! This will help foster the "Management Labour Community" (i.e. Corruption of the Union...) Of course their actual band has not finished the video yet... (Sound familiar??) But I am assured with the "sternest assurances" that the video will look just like the one below.....

 
Of course any resemblance to persons living or dead are purely coincidental.........

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Letter to The People of Egypt

We are now forming a republican government. Real liberty is neither found in despotism or the extremes of democracy, but in moderate governments. 
Alexander Hamilton, Debates of the Federal Convention, 1787 -06-26


Alexander Hamilton

Well! Just saw the footage on the CBC.  You  guys are out there way past the tipping point. You boss better be flashing up the jet and checking out his Swiss bank accounts.

Remember to preserve the historic sites, give quarter to innocent woman and children. And that folks is how you get a Chevy in every yard.. You go out into the streets and take it! You are more powerful then you think! We are in America watching in awe our jaws nearly on the floor!  Hell the whole world is agog!  No one saw this coming.. Not even the United States State Department. Simply breathtaking...

Apocalyptic business... Damn!! May the spirit of 1776 be with you.
                                                                                                                       All The Best...
                                                                                                                      Oracleofottawa.



                                                                        Good Luck!!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Letter to Hu Jintao

Woman who sleeps with lemon douche, wakes up with sour puss!
Confucius, Unsourced.

Dear Hu:

Received your last by your embassy courier. The guy looked real worn out Hu! Holy smokes man! How long a day do you work these poor people? I know you have that nasty employee compound down by the City of Ottawa snowplow garage near the freeway.. Nasty business.. Just wondering... do you block the internet there to? Just curious.

Sorry Hu, No Three Penis wine...

I know how you hate these gajun tours. We are so uncivilized... But I will answer as many of your questions as I can. First; Hillary was not winking at you Hu! She was winking at Mrs. Hu, your fly was down...Sorry Mate.. But Mrs. Hu assured Hillary that whether your fly was down or up wouldn't make any difference...
Glad you found dinner acceptable, sorry about all that premium California and French wine... I know you prefer a warm bottle of Three Penis wine after a hard day... Marketing my friend... And I am truly sorry that for all the time in the great U.S.A. you never saw one hot gajun teenager in a brides maid dress. I know, no hospitality at all for the future masters of Earth... Our bad...

Lots of heat here in the degenerate imperialist media about your treatment of that poor translator. Well I checked it out with a few reliable sources, and well, er,, are sitting down Hu? I will tell you. You see your translator escaped curfew, and well, she had a Hell of a night on the town! My sources tell me that she rode that African American Marine like a Dragoons head  at Chinese New Years! Note that the smile wouldn't come off her face? I know; very un Chinese!! Oh be nice Hu! Everyone should have a souvenir!

Now Hu it just isn't true! The gajun hotties don't think your gross and unattractive.. And it isn't because of your weird eyes! If I had my head up my ass for four thousand years even my eyes would look funny! Give it time my friend.. And be nice! Benevolence really pays off with the gajuns...

In closing Hu may I have a favor? I mean I have been perfectly frank and pulled in a lot of favors to answer your questions truthfully.. Okay? Right! Thanks! Could you get those poor embassy employees out of my local shopping malls? You know the ones in the big Chinese Confucius propaganda push? You know the Chinese Opera ticket give away? To us its like listening to an ethered canary on helium! Hu? Are you there? Hu? Hu?
                                                                                                                     Your Snowflake gajun;
                                                                                                                         Oracleofottawa....

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Letter to Mayor Jim Watson

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. 
Hunter S. Thompson,  "Fear and Loathing at the Super Bowl" (Rolling Stone #155, February 28, 1974)

Dear Gentleman Jim: 


Let me be the last to congratulate you on your last decisive electoral victory. And to also thank you on the behalf of all Ottawans for not embarrassing the city so far... I would think that your staff has got to all the back rooms and have found all the stuff under the corners of the carpets. You sure are a pro Jim. You ain't showing or they haven't told you yet. In short man you got serious problems, whole gaping black sinkholes of future liability.


But lets be positive. There are several things you can do right away that will send strong signals to the stakeholders and the unionized employees. 

(1) Rip out the voice mail tree on 311. All calls to be answered by live operators only. Just copy the system in Mississauga. Call up Hurricane Hazel McCallion. (Better yet,  put your credit card and your expense account to good use and get a case of the finest single malt and pay homage to a great mayor! ) The 311 line is not a marketing tool or a public relations tool, it is a liability prevention tool! for every dollar you put in you will save ten..

(2) If you haven't noticed yet; you have at least three different city vehicle livery styles on the road. Geez guy, amalgamation was over ten years ago! Clean fleet Good Employer.  It appears right now that no one is minding the store. Shabby fleet Crappy Employer.


(3) Pick a management school or style. I strongly recommend Ottawa becomes a Drucker City. You might want to pick another style. But the Cartoon U fraternity style and the my brother-in-law school of management is not recommended and is presently strong and should be quickly terminated with extreme prejudice.


The next stage will be more "difficult" but much more important. The following areas need management  tear down and rebuilds.
(1) OC Transpo
(2) Legal Department
(3) Human Resources Department
(4) Tax and Water (4th floor...)


The commissions you have started are long overdue. Continue with a Human Resources Commission. 


With the brilliant idea of garbage pick up every two weeks I have heard a persistent rumor that the redundant truck drivers are going to be made By-Law Officers to be set loose in Barr Haven and Beacon Heights the day before garbage pickup! Brilliant....


Think of that big water main break on Woodroffe Ave. as a demonstration of Divine Metaphoric Intervention. The roiling sinkhole of cess is the current state of the City. That brand new GM HD2500 crew cab truck with the long box that was engulfed three feet over the roof was the City of Ottawa...The big Japanese back-ho that lifted that ruined $70,000 vehicle could be you Gentleman Jim or it could be federal or provincial trustee-ship.... Whats it gonna be?


In closing here is something to keep you occupied until Mrs. Watson comes along....




                                                                                                                             Yours Hardly;
                                                                                                                            Oracleofottawa





Sunday, January 23, 2011

On Mr. Mohamed Harkat

Shit gets deeper... You get the picture?
Training Day, Alonzo Harris....

The policeman is your friend...Your government is concerned about your welfare...An employer if well served for a long number of years has an obligation... You could believe these things once in Canada, the last time I think was during a long weekend in 1963.

" Gimme the bitch..."

This blog  is read in ten countries, and it originates from Ottawa, Ontario Canada. So this you can consider breaking news. There is no way Mr. Harkat is al keda!. This is total bullshit. Sophie and Moe have been through more in there eight year marriage then most people will experience in ten lifetimes of marriage...The first killer argument that Mr. Harkat is what the Germans would call a "putzen" a poor hapless sod, that shit just happens to beyond all measurements of logic and chance. The biggest tell is the wife Sophie. She is from Vanier, a very folksy part of Ottawa of good strong French girls. Now I can assure you that you cant keep secrets from a Vanier French girl past the second date let alone eight years! Don't believe me? Marry one of them! Just hang out at the " I Conquered " hotel or the general vicinity and you will have a " girl friend" for freaking ever!


And remember Dawg... forever is a long time! Not even Osma bin Ladens kid brother could get away with it.

Now of course we in Canada all know how good our government is with this stuff... check out the Arrar article on Wikipedia!! CSIS hits it out out of the park every time!


The second major argument is that if this poor bastard is so deadly and powerful, WHY THE HELL DO YOU KEEP HIM IN JAIL???  CSIS  has unlimited stake out resources.. Just look at the Toronto Eighteen case! If Mr Harkat is so all powerful and bad ass, I as head of CSIS would play dumb let him "go" and see what comes up? Is it just me or what?

Now I will tell you what I think is really going on.. The lawyers and at least two judges know in their heart of hearts that the CSIS secret evidence is total crap. Hell I will really blow your doors off and tell you that CSIS itself knows this is crap and they don't like it one freaking iota of a bit!!

Now here is where old style media has a job to do. Contact some social reporters and find out who is at all the American Embassy functions that shouldn't be there..Who is that clown sucking up to the CIA Chief of Station drinking watered down Chivas and cumming in his or her Depends when said Chief of Station pats him or her on the head and tells them "your just like an American, Partner... " Find this clown or clowns and we got this thing solved! Chop, chop, off you go...


The above video clip has nothing to do with the story or does it?












Thursday, January 20, 2011

In The Ashes....

I don't even have any illusions, and sometimes I miss those more then anything else.
Hunter S. Thompson, The Proud Highway,  p. 169

Do ya? Do ya watch it? The First 48? Dog; The Bounty Hunter, Intervention, Billy The Exterminator, Heavy, Storage Wars, and / or The Pickers? The rule for good television today is making a profit, a career or even fame and celebrity from someone else' misfortune or carcass. And woven in this is a savagery that increases as time goes on.

The fire of the American Dream is down to it's last dying embers. The shit eating beetles of the spiral to the bottom are starving to death now that the carcass is almost gone and are randomly  transformed in an instant catalytic pop to another piece of inert detritus.

The frontiers are all gone. A new world has risen from the old. No one has been taking notes. The elephant in the room is us....

Once, when I was a younger man, a crazy, obsessed traveler embarked on " a savage journey to the heart of the American Dream"

We know what happened to the Dream...

The Savagery? It is well and thriving....

It alone continues.....

( As your lawyer I am getting ready for the Governor General Literary Awards.....)
[sob.... BRAVO!! :EDITOR]



Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Oracleofottawa issues Travel Advisory

So little pains do the vulgar take in the investigation of truth, accepting readily the first story that comes to hand. 
Thucydides, History of the Peloponnesian  War,   Book I, 1.21-[3]

( As your lawyer I must advise against this! .. YOU are not a Nation State!!) 

Ya right! But I am  a citizen of  a "nation state" and I am freaking tired of seeing my marsh-mellow country men laying in the streets of freaking shit-hole Mexico with AK-47 gunshot wounds! on my nightly news... It takes away from more important coverage on economic matters that matter much more to me! ($$)
Geez we can't wait any longer for our Government to do it....
  So here it is: You stupid Wal-Mart shopping wally idiots of Canada who sit in cubicles all day, and you  gross beer drinking hockey watching beanbags who don't have a clue about how dangerous this world is, let alone the "Third World"; STAY OUT OF MEXICO!!!
  Unless you have survival training, police training, and /or recent military service stay out of the "Turd World"!! Jesus Christ in a burqa who hard can this be to understand? This advisory also covers those floating burger palaces of the sea!   No! No! No! You are not safe...you stupid freak'in morons!!
This concludes the Travel Advisory....

[ oh god, oh god, Legal department, board room five minutes.. oh god.. someone call Foreign Affairs...oooooooo   GOD!: EDITOR]
 


Tuesday, January 18, 2011

As your lawyer I advise…

 You'd be surprised at the things people will do in order to get their names or pictures in the paper.
Hunter S. Thompson, The Proud Highway, Letter to Judy Stellings, November 18, 1956, p. 30

that you keep on your present course of action. Only posting to your blog when you have refined each piece and continue to slowly get this blog to the look you want.


My Doctor told me...

“ Right… Well I am reading like a sponge and I have hit on a good patch, no hurry here… I am trying Windows Live writer but I am not too happy with it. I don’t know anyone who writes or blogs and it seems very hard to find the things that I want… “
“ And I can’t control the line function with Live Writer for some reason and the Blogger editor can’t justify properly.. Screwed coming and going… Got some great ideas though if I could just get control of the medium…..”

As your lawyer I advise that you stick with it…try different formats and get angry! Only write about it if it is fun…

“ Well, alright, if you really think so..”

[ I can neither confirm nor deny that this gifted bit of narrative took place… EDITOR ]


Monday, January 10, 2011

G20 Nations Ranked

           NATION:                                                         NUMBER:

1. United States                                                            3 449 782

2. United Kingdom                                                        1 692 363  

3. India                                                                         1 390 312

4. Canada                                                                     1 292 487

5. Australia                                                                   1 245 225

6. Germany                                                                   1 225 227

7. France                                                                      1 196 376  

8. Japan                                                                          974 442

9. Russia                                                                         869 382

10. Italy                                                                           813 493

11. Brazil                                                                         738 356

12. Mexico                                                                       618 925

13. South Africa                                                                608 648       

14. Turkey                                                                        551 196

15. China                                                                          527 713

16. European Union                                                           510 271

17. Argentina                                                                    471 608

18. Indonesia                                                                    457 863

19. South Korea                                                                368 087

20. Saudi Arabia                                                               321 846

No marketing was used in the creation of this ranking. Source: Wikipedia. Jury: The World
(As of:   October 31, 2010)
Lets see if this Windows Writer works……it does but all the other posts will have to be re-edited and then reposted… That is not exactly what I wanted, but I guess I will have to “compromise “ again……