Sunday, July 29, 2012

Western Canada Eats Itself!

Ideas do not exist separately from language.
Karl Marx, Grundrisse, Notebook I, p. 83

It did not surprise the Oracle of Ottawa at all when the British Columbia Premier Christy Clark finally stood up and balked good and loud about the financial arrangements of the proposed Northern Gateway pipeline that is going to divide British Columbia in two. (In more ways then one...) What really surprised the Oracle of Ottawa was that the Lotus Landers were going to allow the monstrosity to be built with out any revenue stream accruing to the provincial coffers! It is not a very good idea to take a bunch of knuckle dragging Alberta oil oligarch's at their word!

Don't Forget The Meter Stations!!

Now poor Allison Redford is going to find out what she is really in for. Wee Christy Clark is not stupid to demand the money from the Alberta government out of its royalty stream. Ms. Clark is very well briefed on how hard it is to get anything that will cost the Alberta knuckle draggers actual hard coin out of pocket on a timely and regular basis. And good on ya Girl! The Oracle of Ottawa figures that a per barrel per diem of a mere ten per cent (retail market price - Henry Hub) is not at all unreasonable. Electronically wired to the the province of British Columbia daily at twelve noon, or else the gates shut and all transfers are seized immediately. One must be firm when dealing with spoiled rotten oligarchs!

The Oracle of Ottawa takes great comfort that the wrench is now in the Alberta gear box. This will surely screw up the insane plan to pipe raw tar sand to Ontario! Like we really want that! You see dear reader, when Alberta is exporting raw tar sand to you, they are not exporting oil, they are in reality exporting tar sand tailings ponds! It has finally dawned on them that they shouldn't be the only ones whose grandchildren will have two or more heads, or even better, none at all. And won't it look great to the vulgar media when it appears that the "Harper Government" cannot control Quebec, and then have to admit that it cannot even control it's own home patch!

Meanwhile deep in the departments of the Privy Council, the "Harper Government" Bund is most worried and subdued. Their masters, the Peoples Republic of China, are not likely to be in the mood for anymore foolish democratic delays. All parties involved know who has the "goods" on who. For all those in the old vulgar media who just happen to have drawn the short straw of covering this "debate" should keep a very close eye on the fax machine(s)... Yes the micro dicks of the "Harper Government" are very deep into the pencil sharpener. (Made in China...)

Now we all know that the lead company of this future environmental fiasco cannot even keep a pipeline going that has the real slippery stuff in it, like wet natural gas and that sweet slippery oil. What do you think is going to happen when they start shipping sand paper grit in suspension, otherwise known as tar sand down a metal pipe under high pressure? Yes indeed, the Aboriginal Peoples of British Columbia along with Christy Clark are very right indeed. There is nothing in this for us...

Hmmmm... I don't think so....

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Subway And The Two Tone Brown Monkey

Experience, in all ages and in all countries, has demonstrated that it is impossible to control nature in her distribution of mental powers.
Thomas Paine, Rights of Man, p. 203

The Oracle of Ottawa marvels at the power and the callous stupidity of of certain marketing campaigns. It is absolute proof by demonstration that there exists much more money than brains. At first the Oracle of Ottawa  thought that it would all go away quickly, that creepy two-tone animated brown monkey that seems to be spearheading all the media advertisements of the Subway mega fast food monster here in the Canadian market. The ads appear in English and French.

(i.e. somewhere else...)

This two tone brown monkey really creeps the Oracle of Ottawa! How bad is it? Why the insect hominid reminds the Oracle of Ottawa of the same feeling as getting into an Ottawa cab that is being driven by a Pakistani jihadist that is back in Canada on sabbatical from the the mountains of Afganistan! The beady predatory eyes and the evenly filed teeth, just makes the Oracle of Ottawa's epidermis crawl in utter grossness. (And you guessed it; the jihadists don't appreciate their cover being blown either.) And every movement in its body language states that you are the object of its utter and total contempt. Well excuse this old white man for living!

A Subway in its natural state  - Empty....

The subliminal messages in the ads state to the Oracle of Ottawa that he is not really welcome in a Subway. The subtle nuances say to the Oracle of Ottawa that all you old white honkey farts that expect total and perfect food every time and on every visit can just go somewhere else! The two tone brown monkey seems to be gunning for a less discriminating demographic. And the Oracle of Ottawa damn near fell of his sofa when, while watching a Major League Baseball game, the latest ads were running with characters that were of African American descent! The first thought that went through the Oracles mind was; What the hell would Jackie Robinson think? Doesn't MLB keep a very close eye on the marketing that could adversely affect the brand? They damn well should...

Now the Oracle of Ottawa knows very many former urban road warriors, that worked for various  levels of government here in Ottawa, whose jobs required them to be always on the road during their former work days. From several discussions the Oracle of Ottawa soon learned from these seasoned hands, people who really know of such things, that if you want to avoid "road rash", never, never, never eat anything, especially anything that contains "meat" from a Subway sandwich shop!

What is road rash you ask? Well that is the treat you get from eating in places you really shouldn't have. Several of the seasoned hands explained to the Oracle of Ottawa that they can readily understand how Jared the Subway guy, lost so much weight so fast! And, if you check into it yourself, he seems to be in no hurry to repeat the masterful feat of self marketing. Oy vey!

Now the best Subways in Ottawa are located in the brand new suburbs. And the young kid who works there really has no idea how to make a steak sub. His Mom still cuts his meat for him at home! And the Oracle of Ottawa must say that he always wears the gloves! Yes Sir! He wears them all the time. When primping his greasy hair and massaging his inflamed zits, just so ready to pop, anytime now! And especially when he squares off the rest room, he doesn't want to catch anything untoward, now does he? And of course he wears them when he makes your sub. Unfortunately for you it is the same gloves!

Yes, the Oracle of Ottawa remembers a number of "special" occasions the results of eating at a said certain sandwich shop. It was like a two toned brown monkey crawled up his colon and died. Only to be crapped out in wet sludgey, cramppy agony, with the cold pleasure that he had given birth to yet another new marketing concept!   

Is it just the Oracle of Ottawa, or is that that two tone brown monkey evil creepy?

Monday, July 16, 2012

Thomas Paine - The Forgotten Father

Independence is my happiness, and I view things as they are, without regard to place or person; my country is the world, and my religion is to do good.
Thomas Paine, Rights of Man, Chapter 5, p. 273 

Where does one start with a man who makes Karl Marx look like a cub scout? The Oracle of Ottawa's ongoing Thinking About Thinking Project has just hit a real rich patch. Yes dear reader, the Oracle of Ottawa has just got through Rights of Man. The complete unabridged edition published between 1791 - 1792.  Of course everyone has heard about this book, but very few people today have ever read it. The Oracle of Ottawa was shocked, just shocked, that this man in the time of Adam Smith had already envisioned the modern welfare state! He formulated what has to be the earliest statement of the negative income tax, and one of the earliest to proclaim the fairness of the progressive rate income tax! This is all pretty awesome for some one who left school at the age of thirteen years! Imagine if he would have been born into a rich family and was able to get a doctorate in philosophy at the University of Bonn?

Thomas Paine

Now ponder this. Karl Marx saw some agitation, wrote a couple of notable pieces that are still in print today, along with a collected works that at last count was up to fifty quarto volumes. But ponder the life of Thomas Paine. He was in attendance and not only witnessed, but participated in two of the greatest political/social events in the history of the modern world! The French Revolution and the American Revolution!  That is just simply astounding, and all before Challenger jets and air mile cards! The Oracle of Ottawa often ponders where those great men stored the jam. And damn he was really pink, Thomas Paine was a subversive Leftie of the first water and rank. The Oracle of Ottawa has been able to easily deduce this by the utter lack of information and the rare printing of his collected works in the present day! Although listed as a Founding Father of the American nation, his collected works are not published (hard paper book copies) by the Liberty Fund! I checked the latest catalog last night and the name Paine was no where in the index. Surely the Oracle of Ottawa has made an error?

As far as the Oracle of Ottawa can discern, the complete works of Thomas Paine, now extant, fills over two thousand pages! And hardly any request for the loan of five pounds are to be found! The edition of the complete works that you really, really want is known today as the Conway Edition. These can be had at Abe Books for $250.00 and less. Which seems to the Oracle of Ottawa to be a hell of a deal. But the real claim to fame of Thomas Paine, the true proof that he is famous and of the importance and stature is his lack of an entry in Merriam-Webster Encyclopedia of English Literature!  

And would you believe, that there is not one deep and/ or serious documentary on Thomas Paine on You Tube? This is the best that the Oracle could round up at deadline time....

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Facebook - Another New World Order Ankle Bracelet?

The fearsome fact of our time is that other elements than the government have assumed the role of directing our affairs. To a very large extent the way we live and the things we live for are determined by the interests of powerful and monopolistic corporations.
Stanley Knowles, The New Party, p. 80

Too many friends can be truly hazardous to your health. And with the onset of the plague of "online social networking" the Oracle of Ottawa often wonders, just how many friends does one person really need before it becomes a real problem greater than the supposed benefits? Well, while on an auto day tour yesterday with my significant other, the Oracle of Ottawa heard on CBC Radio 2 that of all the recently filed divorce cases in all of the United States the word "Facebook" occurred in over 33% of them!  

Are you a...
 Now the Oracle of Ottawa does not, nor will he ever, have a Facebook page. The Oracle of Ottawa doesn't give a flying rotating rat shit fuck if you want to be my friend or not. And the Oracle of Ottawa couldn't care less to be a social media friend with you! I mean, really, what the hell is in it for me? In the Oracle of Ottawa's eyes, this whole networking con is just a marketing con, to keep an eye on the skidmarks, i.e. you... You put all your most personal information on the wash room wall of the virtual cloud, providing great information to your employer, your government, your wife's lawyer and all the corporate whores who are always thinking up new ways to "harvest" your poor ragged, stupid, skidmark asses. You should be ashamed of yourself, that God has let you live so long.   

The Oracle of Ottawa remembers very well when the world was not at all like it is today. When the Oracle of Ottawa was fab, a man could pass through society without leaving any traces for anyone save and except his national government, that at the time, only used such information in the direst emergencies. What the hell happened to that world? Why is it that everyone seems to be engaged to enslaving himself to everybody else for not even non-monetary rewards?  

When some robo calling packie pollster calls the Oracle of Ottawa, I inform the little insect that the Oracle of Ottawa does not give free information to anyone. Then the Oracle of Ottawa inquires if the said little insect can meet my minimum billing requirement. If the Oracle of Ottawa does not hear the correct response, the little pollster insect is forcefully told to fuck off forthwith! The Oracle of Ottawa as you can readily imagine is seldom bothered.

Why should you provide the corporate overlord whores of the New World Order with anything for nothing? Why are all the skidmarks out there in the world so stupid and gullible? Nothing steams the Oracle of Ottawa more than waiting in a retail line up with his cash in hand while some poor white trash skidmark buys a newspaper with a fucking debit card! When you do stupid shit like that you are providing the corporate over whores with priceless marketing data that they will surely use against you! Does interact or visa ever send you a check for working for them? No? You stupid, brainless, skidmark fuck...

True and real friends are very rare indeed. The Oracle of Ottawa knows for a fact that most of us will go through this life and probably several others and never really have a one true friend. What is the definition of a true friend? There is one acid test of a true friend. Try this thought experiment. You call up your best truest friend in the world at 2:00 a.m. and inform him or her that you have to get rid of a dead human body, no questions asked, and would you be kind enough to bring a large blanket or old carpet, and oh yeah, a shovel.
What? I told you, you don't really have a friend in the whole goddamn world, do you skid?

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Hooked On The Just Society

Man did not enter into society to become worse than he was before, nor to have fewer rights than he had before, but to have those rights better secured.   
Thomas Paine, The Rights Of Man, p. 63

Canada Day of 2012 was a very special Canada Day. And the Oracle of Ottawa will of course explain why. All through the week last, the 'Harper Government' was very busy preparing Ottawa for the festive occasion. Around Wednesday there were several more thousand job cuts announced, mostly at Canada Revenue and of all places Human Resources Canada! The job cuts at Revenue Canada were the most shocking. There are persistent rumors circulating in Ottawa that the said surplus bodies will soon be getting a call from a certain Alberta scum sucking contractor to do their old job from home for what will add up to less than minimum wage when you figure all your new overhead in.. Great. Now we have tax farming in Canada! Isn't that great? Look at all the money that will be saved!

Just Society Part II?

Then it was Friday afternoon and the Oracle of Ottawa was in the Glebe downtown to get that primal pre -  Canada Day feel of the great primordial pulse of Canada. Oh yes, you can believe the Oracle of Ottawa, you really can actually feel it. Then as the Oracle of Ottawa was tuning in to the national frequency when he overheard on CBC Radio1 that public tours to the House of Commons will be greatly reduced! It seems that the minions and scum sucking lackies of the 'Harper Government' can no longer afford to show the people of Canada, many who have quiet possibly come from thousands of miles away on a once in a lifetime trip, to see the House, where it all happens.... And to add insult to injury, unlimited money has been found for an underground dungeon, (serious, not kidding...), where all said lovers of liberty will be "processed", before being allowed to take the Hill tour! (or not...) The 'Harper Government' is already leaving behind its great symbols to the future generations of Canada and historical posterity! Freud  would shit himself in laughter....    

Yes dear reader, things are not looking good for Canada at the present time. It was time for coffee, and after parking the car in my never taken three hour parking space on one of the many side streets off of Bank, I was ordering a medium double cream with a cherry cheese danish, at the Horton's just across from the Dairy Queen on Bank Street. It was quiet and a very sparse crowd. I headed to the empty side of the shop where there was only an older gentleman reading a newspaper. Then the Oracle of Ottawa recognized the man, and then in my head, I swear(!), I heard; "WelllllCoooome To The Broaaaaadcasssst!" Jesus! It was Don Newman! In the flesh! Eye contact was momentarily made, that offered all respects, and the message that the Oracle of Ottawa would stick to the great unwritten rule of Ottawa, never to disturb a great man in a Hortons.! A furtive glance of gracious relief was offered in return.

It seems to the Oracle of Ottawa that he is not the only one that feels that Canada is quickly turning into something else quiet unwanted. Don Newman was reading the National Post, and dissecting it with the ability and confidence that signaled a lifetime in the foundation media. You just can't make this stuff up! The Oracle of Ottawa always seems to find the greats by accident. The Oracle of Ottawa pondered the sight. One thing is for sure, unlike the members of the 'Harper Government' Don Newman has never shopped at a Walmart! The Oracle of Ottawa pondered where one buys a shirt that is so perfect and of a whiteness that you just don't see, save on the CBC and the better mens magazines...And the shoes! Where can you even find those to buy? And that last touch of class, the patterned Argyle socks that I didn't even know were still being manufactured anywhere in this part of the world. And to cap it all off, that snowflake on the left lapel, signifying membership in the Order of Canada. We all know where those come from, don't we?

As the Oracle of Ottawa pondered the situation he realized that just down the street from where he was sitting, sometime in 1968, an obscure young French Canadian had just won the leadership of the Liberal party of Canada. He electrified the crowd as he spoke of the Just Society. Sitting just a few feet away from the Oracle of Ottawa was a man that interviewed Pierre Trudeau many times, and all the great Prime Ministers that come from that gallant core of Great Canadians.Then a tear formed in the Oracle of Ottawa's eye as he wondered in rage how the hell did it all come to this? A Canada Day that now guaranteed you still have a lot to look forward to, not more, but the mean bitter guarantee of only less.