Saturday, November 19, 2011

Impressions From The Benches

A cry of Hell Hounds never ceasing bark'd
John Milton, Paradise Lost, Book II, Line 654

It is late Saturday night. And for some strange reason the Oracle of Ottawa feels utterly compelled to share with his legions of faithful readers his impressions of the goings on in the House of Commons especially during Question Period of the week last. Let me start with the general impressions of the parties as a whole. First we must start with the government in power. Protocol demands we do these things properly! The Conservatives look to the Oracle of Ottawa as if they have been in majority power for twenty years already! All fat, slow and corpulent and it is not even half way through the first year of the heavenly mandate! Like the Oracle of Ottawa has already said in this blog, if the Conservatives used there Parliamentary Library cards as much as their Parliamentary cafeteria cards, Canada would be in a Golden Age that would rival Ancient Greece! But alas the lights are already starting to dim in the walmart cabinet...  Now to the poor Liberals, that section of the House appears very much like, save and except for a few firebrand pillars, the Day Room of a very posh old age home! All the commitment is there, but the time seems to be gone forever. Meanwhile to the Liberals left, sits the NDP, with all the piss and vinegar of wanton and reckless youth. It makes the Oracle of Ottawa feel twenty years younger just watching them go! And they must be getting it right, with every Conservative mentioning at every opportunity, that they are not fit to rule? Is there information in that whistle past the graveyard pronouncement?

Seen on the Hill....

Sick Parade:

Now the Oracle of Ottawa has noticed that some Conservatives are already starting to falter, power is such an exertion and all don't you know! It appears that each time the vertically challenged Kellie Leitch stands to her seat she is clutching to the left of her stomach. Whats wrong honey? Guts giving out already? The Oracle of Ottawa loves watching these 40 under 40 types hit the wall at 100 miles per hour! The Oracle of Ottawa has also noticed the dimming of the voice of one Human Resources Minister Diane Finley! Life has been one success after another, so far... But now the our little over achiever is learning the hardest way that government is not a business and cannot be run like one. She just can't understand it. But the worst is yet to come, the Oracle of Ottawa predicts that soon her voice will fail her each time she stands to her seat, completely. Proving that yes, there really is a God and he is a member of the NDP! And then there is that old Julian Fantino the Oracle of Ottawa wonders how many more times he can possibly stand to his seat in one Question Period as he defends the ongoing train wreck of the doomed F-35. It reminds one of a prairie gopher that is having all his holes attacked at once! There is even a pool you can buy into picking the closest time to his expiration in the House from all the exertion. A senior citizen like him should be somewhere else with is feet up.

Now the Oracle of Ottawa must present this weeks prizes of Statesman of the Week, and the Hog of the Week, with honourable mentions of course!

Statesman Of The Week:

This week the prize goes to: (envelope please...) Megan Leslie! For her incredible feat of destroying several years of lobbyist and Conservative Party of Canada's well laid plans for the Keystone Pipeline! You go girl! By taking the initiative and going down to the USA, she "keystoned" the Tory's dead! The part where Shelly Glover just about broke out in tears of rage was the high lite of this bloggers week! All Canadians revelled in the Tory hissy fits!

Honourable Mention:

Pat Martin: For releasing his inner voice on Twitter! You would have won big guy if you would have said all that in the House! But good work all in nevertheless!

Charlie Angus: For over all above and beyond performance in Question Period. And just adding some class to the place by being there.

Hog Of The Week:

Dean del Mastro: For displaying incredible ignorance about the "separation of powers" with regards to that committee screw up regarding the CBC something or other. Lesson of the week? You ain't in Italy now sucker!

Honourable Mention:

Eve Adams: For dating the hands, and soiling the party nest, not to mention missing committee due to that silicon lip blow-out. You should always keep a patch kit in your purse sweetheart....

Kerry-Lynne D.(umb) Findlay: For screwing up during Question Period, I mean how hard can it be to read a scripted answer?  By the way does Vic Teows know you are active in that criminal loving Canadian Bar Association?

James Moore: For balloning like a blimp and not answering to your true inclinations. If you need a set of balls, see Megan Leslie. Everyone knows she has more than one set!

Well that is it for this week folks. The Oracle of Ottawa is watching, he is every where....

Megan Leslie is way smarter than Peter Kent, and even better looking!!

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