Tuesday, November 15, 2011

'Chez' Tim Hortons - Total Cultural Fail

...The Edge...There is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over. The others - the living - are those who pushed their control as far as they felt they could handle it, and then pulled back, or slowed down, or did whatever they had to when it came time to chose between Now or Later.
Hunter S. Thompson, Hell's Angels, p. 271

Tim Horton was a legend as large as the life he lived. Twenty four seasons in the NHL, a fist full of Stanley Cup rings and an appearance on six NHL All Star Teams. And just to show he wasn't another jock, he also became a legend in the business world. Tim, it appears, was big on the spaghetti algorithm of investing. If you have a lot of spaghetti you just keep throwing it against the wall, eventually something will stick. He was one of those rare people who accepted that we are all dealt a hand of cards in life. The key to greatness is to get your cards to the right game, and play out your hand to the max.

There selling WHAT??

Long before Tim Horton passed away, the Tim Hortons doughnut shops were a multi-million dollar operation. The factor that made the business such a success was the high quality and the common touch. Going to a Tim Hortons is a lot like going to church or Las Vegas. All social and class distinctions are left at the door. If your a cop or the mayor or even the goddamned Prime Minister of Canada you get in line and wait your turn to be called to the counter.  Why in Ottawa you could even sit in beside a cabinet ministers riding association meeting. The Oracle of Ottawa was not making that up! A quick glance about could save you a lot of trouble, it is all in the seat selection...

That flimsy foreign stuff will fuck you up every time!!

If you are a road warrior for a utility or any municipality in Canada, The local Tim Hortons is your defacto office, cafeteria, restroom, and in emergencies the place you go to lay low. The reason for the popularity is that the menu is basic and of high quality. Basic, simple items all ready to go, sell very quickly, so when things are busy you are usually in and out like a flash. The key is the quality, simplicity, value and speed. Canadians are busy people. If you want to pose and flaunt your high social standing while trolling for a trot you go to Starbucks and order whatever the wally's and trot's drink at Starbucks!

Now that was brand!!

The Oracle of Ottawa has been informed, by those that know about such things, that having a Starbucks close to your secure bunker is a very good sign to secure and higher future shelter value. And wouldn't you know it? There is a Starbucks very very near to the Oracle of Ottawas secure bunker! Well actually, truth be told it is too close. I have yet to set foot into the place. If I want a shot of American Imperialism I'll stay home and watch CNN or Fox News that is on my cable package!

Don't mind that whirring sound, it's just Tim
spinning in his grave...

Every time I walk past that Starbucks, the Oracle of Ottawa shudders. Could you even imagine Hunter S. Thompson sitting in a Starbucks, sucking on a double skim milk, gluten free Latte, with a chocolate happy face sitting on top of the foam? Right, I think not. But I have no problem seeing the great Doctor at a very busy Tim Hortons in a working class or lower neighborhood. Late in the middle of the night, especially ten to fifteen years ago, when they had ashtrays, and the stools at the counter! There would be the Doctor with his favorite newspapers, four large double-doubles and one doughnut of every kind in a pile like an Inuit Igloo! Yes, today's weirdness is tomorrows reason why...

Who said you couldn't die twice??

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