Letter to FIFA

The means to be employed, must be proportioned to the extent of the mischief. 
Alexander Hamilton, The Federalist Papers, No. 28

RE: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada bid for woman's soccer tournament.

Dear Sepp Blatter;

The "Burgers" of the City of Ottawa have recently voted to allocate $400,000.00 for the purpose of securing the right to host some future woman's soccer thingy in the not too near future. Many people in Ottawa do not wish to host such an event in our fine city. Could you please take the money and give the promise as you did with England for the world cup and then please make sure that Ottawa does not get it. A large number of the citizens of the this fine City would be much happier if a more suitable location could be found, such as Africa or the highest bidder in the Gulf Emirates....

You see sir, Canada has a very high rating of not being a corrupt country. A large number of citizens of the City of Ottawa do not wish to lower our standing in the world by being associated with anything FIFA...
Also Canada is a very young and yet primitive country, the wilderness is barely tamed don't you know! I will list the dangerous animals that pervade the city of Ottawa in the summer months. Also Ottawa can be hotter then Dubai in August.  Just thought you should know that!

Porcupine (Ottawa Ground Hog)

This things are loaded with wicked quills, that when attached to flesh continue to dig in. They have a penchant for soccer pitch's and players.

Black bear

Now the bears don't usually get this big in Ottawa. But this is a picture of one just after a national soccer tournament. The pickings were pretty good!

Cougar (eating soccer player...)

We thought that these nasty monsters were gone! But recently they have been seen on the edge of Ottawa at the side of the free-way, waiting for stranded motorists to get out of their cars! Our conservation efforts have really paid off, haven't they? And as you can see they are man-eaters... They can be eight feet long from nose to tail.

Eastern Timber Wolf

The wolf is still very common just outside Ottawa especially in the summer months. Huge packs of them! Again the picture of this one is very large, and has just finished eating a junior soccer player. They cut a deal with the bears at that last tournament as mentioned above....  Crafty bastards aren't they?

Muskie

Now I must warn you about the several water Hazards we have every where in Canada! This muskie just attacked out of a city sewer! They are from the time of the dinosaurs and never heard they were extinct. They will eat anything....

Great White Shark, (Britannia Beach Minnow )

As You know Sepp, Great Whites can live in fresh water if the human pickings are really good! They simply come up the St. Lawerence and turn right at Montreal. This one was photographed very near the soccer fields!

Northern pike- Eats Great White sharks....

I can't even talk about this Monster, again from the age of the dinosaurs, practically every where in Canada. They are as big as a standard European city bus! Really.... 

Now Sepp there will be other problems having any sanctioned FIFA event in Ottawa. Canada is a very liberal country. Like Holland! This will shock all the Islamic participants deeply.   For example;

Melissa Wolf in hot weather soccer uniform...

So you see Sepp old boy it just wont work out. And I was so looking forward to the Islamic Field Gear fashion show sooo much...

So have fun in the hell holes... er a... the Gulf or Africa.....whatever...

                                                                                        Hardly Yours;
                                                                                       Oracleofottawa