Saturday, August 27, 2011

A Ditch With A Roof Is Not A Tunnel

I answer that, It must be said that every evil in some way has a cause. For evil is the absence of the good, which is natural and due to a thing. 
Saint Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologica,  First Part, Question 49, Article 1

RE: Memo from the proctology desk...

The Thinking About Thinking project continues a pace. After yet another bout of dangerous reflection the Oracle of Ottawa has had yet another epiphany! This time it was on the subject of the where and why of the reason and cause of building tunnels in Ottawa that has become such a hotly pursued and debated topic over the last few years. It is all a bit complicated and weird, but having delved to the depths of the problem, the Oracle of Ottawa will explain it you from its basic root axioms...

This post requires the couch...

If, dear reader, you have your wits about you, you will easily remember that the whole tunnel mess was conceived during the last Cue-ball administration. This administration as you will well recall had very close ties to the Conservative Party of Canada. It therefore is essentially a problem of anal retentiveness which regrettably spread to all members of the City Council in albeit, varying degree's.

Sigmund Freud says; Oy vey!

Now it all gets dark and gross. Conservatives, as a class, want to consume and suck up all the evil and poison of the Earth. To eat it all and to retain it, and to never to shit it out of their bloated bodies! This is the common unifying element of being a Conservative! Now the subway tunnel can be rationalized as the large intestinal colon or "shit track". Following me so far? Good... Now subway tunnels are in and of themselves not evil. But must be seen as Freudian vehicle that the Conservative wishes to transfer to his evil being internally. i.e. Since not even the most gross and obese Conservative can eat a whole tunnel, they are socially deconstructing it and are there fore able to attempt, with seeming success, to ram the idea of the ultimate "shit track" up their own arses ideologically!

Tunnel - Arsehole...Got it?
 Thank-you, I know, I know, a brilliant diagnosis! Now that you as a taxpayer and stakeholder know the ideological basis of this obsessive-compulsive disorder you will be well armed to fight it to its early and permanent demise.  As a further example, when you observe an over rotund city councilor from Skank-Haven (sporting a childs Tonka hard hat, since it is the only one small enough to fit his pin head...) gushing in front of the cameras of the vulgar local media that the act of covering one of Andy Haydons Transit Way depressions with a roof, as per Woodroffe Avenue, is now a great tunnel project you will understand without further explanation that placing a roof over a great mans ditch does not make it a tunnel! Q.E.D.

  High Art in Skank-Haven......

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