Sunday, June 26, 2011

Democracy Needs A Salary Cap

Paradox is the sharpest scalpel in the satchel of science. Nothing concentrates the mind as effectively, regardless of whether it pits two competing theories against each other, or theory against observation, or a compelling mathematical deduction against ordinary common sense. 
Hans Christian von Baeyer,  Information, The New Language of Science, p. 204

Some journalist I am! I couldn't even cover CPAC on television! Why the debate was so hypnotic that I just dropped the pen and closed the notebook and enjoyed. I will never be the Great Doctor. He could start the day with a six-pack, washed down with a 26 of Wild Turkey, three joints of hash, four amyls, six hits of acid,  a full breakfast and somehow could remember every word he ever said and the full conversations of every interview he ever conducted! But alas, at the end he couldn't read his own work, when invited to by Charlie Rose...
What is the new factor Comrade?

Earlier this week when the Canadian Minister of Labour tabled bill C-6 and mentioned the words " final offer arbitration " I damn near puked! I had heard these words before. This was an American thing and you don't hear too many people lining up to have a go with it! And later in the week, during the Great Debate that lasted 58 hours(!), The New Democrat Party made sure that everyone in Canada knew the origin and history of this process of doom! The NDP back bench is very deep in labour law and trade union history!

There was no way that any civil servant advising Lisa Raitt would have suggested such an incendiary process to deal with a labour dispute! So where the hell did this disaster of a game plan originate? After much thought and a few calls the Oracle of Ottawa has discovered the answer! Why the brilliant mind of Steve Harper! The avid hockey fan! They have final arbitration in the National Hockey League here in Canada and the United States! Now that certainly sheds the light of a class I super-nova on the whole matter.

We need an industry salary cap!
There was a litany of hand wringing by the most seasoned and experienced labour lawyers and union officials throughout Canada, all concluding that a major and most dangerous precedent had been set! And they have no idea how correct they are in that conclusion! But, the precedent has been set in the favor of labour! Yes indeed Dear Reader! Every dark cloud does have a silver lining! If the precedent has been set of using sports law in the field of labour law, I would like to be the first in print to remind the Honorable Minister of Labour
that sports law set the precedent of the SALARY CAP!

Jack Layton will get it done Comrade!

Now consider each major industrial group in Canada as an individual league... We will start at the top and work down just like the Conservative Party does... You will have the Crown Corporation League, consisting of all the Crown Corporations. Then you will have the Rail and Transport League, Then the Federal Civil Service League, The Provincial Civil Service League, The Power Utility's League... Do you see where this is going? Yes even the Banking and Financial Services League, The Major Manufacturing League...With a little unofficial "final arbitration" union style, we will set THE FACTOR. or the salary cap for the whole industry! Just like a sports team! No problem! The precedent has been set! The greatest gift to labour since the 40 hour five day work week!  Thank you Steve Harper and thank you Lisa Raitt!

Every country has its National Sport. In Canada we have ice hockey. The Americans have Major League Baseball. The United Kingdom has cricket... For example in Canada we will simply take the averaged difference of all the lowest paid NHL players and then divide that into the averaged difference of the highest paid NHL players! Ipso presto! You have your factor. We will do this at the end or beginning of each playing season! (Sure would make opening day more exciting wouldn't it?)  Say the factor is twenty. That simply means from now on no CEO of any industry in Canada can make more than twenty times the salary of his/her lowest paid player! (i.e. worker...) Is this brilliant or what? Why the implementation of sports law into labour law will allow everyone to further enjoy their respective National Games.

Dear God; Please send the NDP and The Oracle of Ottawa!!

Now all the data already exists in government labour departments and in labour organizations. Along with NDP labour legislation when they form the next government, and the proverbial army of actuary's all the details will be quickly and finally ironed out. Why, we will wonder, didn't any one ever think of this before? 

Look upon this as an analogy... The Canadian goalie is the NDP and the Canadian Worker... The other goalie represents the stupid Conservatives!!

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