Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The Three Hardest HR Questions

When human beings have finished, they are just beginning,
and when they stop, they are still perplexed.
Sirach, 18:7

The Oracle of Ottawa strongly believes that there are three professions that have no place in a modern Western Democracy. Marketers, spin doctors and human resources tools. They not only don't deserve to eat, they don't even deserve to be loved or respected in the least by anybody. And all the "good" practitioners live solitary, lonely lives from hell. Even afraid to go out in public, lest they run into someone that they have successfully fucked over in the past. And believe the Oracle of of Ottawa, some of them have a lot to fear from a lot of people. Whatever you do parents, keep your kids out of these low life professions!

Human Resources...
 Once upon a time, there was no such thing as "human resources"! It was called the personnel department. They picked the people to do the jobs. It was all so straight ahead, once upon a time...Today, just to get a crummy job, you have to jump through many hoops. It is not unusual to go through six or more interviews. And the HR thingies just seem to love asking impossible to answer questions. And you are right, they have nothing to do with finding the right person, but rather, as you have always suspected, they just love the sadistic pleasure of seeing you squirm!   

The Oracle of Ottawa has chosen the three hardest ones. With a near perfect answer. The Oracle of Ottawa, being generous to a fault, he will share his wisdom with you, in the hope that you will see the scum HR thingy squirm for you!

 Question: Tell me a little about yourself?
 Answer: I didn't provide a detailed and truthful resume for nothing. You have no doubt completed an internet search, credit check, drug test, criminal check, and the hours of detailed psych testing that I agreed to complete. You no doubt, at present, know more about me than I do! I was hoping that you could tell me something about myself...

Question: What do you think of when you are driving?
Answer: Getting there.

Question: Tell me about a time you failed?
Answer: All of life is winning a few and losing a lot. With every failure there emerges a hard learned new valuable piece of  knowledge that I lever into my life algorithm, which has resulted to the present level of my success...

 Scum like this, has no place in our society. Do not even try to appease them, slam them hard, and watch them squirm!! Remember; they can't run the organizations they pretend to serve by themselves.

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