Finding my Richard Nixon

" To Richard Milhous Nixon, who never let me down. "
Hunter S. Thompson, The Great Shark Hunt, Gonzo Papers Volume I, epigraph, p. 7

There are five qualities that I detest in men in public life; (1) Ugly, (2) Greasy, (3) Fat, (4) Stupid, and (5) Slow.
I will briefly discuss each in turn.

(1) Ugly. If the camera does not " love you" stay out of public life. Save and except elected positions such as; school board trustee and / or dog catcher. These are positions in which  you will never be seen anyway. I, as a voter, citizen and tax payer want and expect the "Best and the Brightest". American goatee's on a Canadian man in public office is an absolute disaster. It looks like you were eating honey dipped donuts at the "y" in the men's locker room . (get it?...) 

(2) Greasy. This is to be taken literally and figuratively. Don't over do the hair grease if you are of the male sex. It looks like someone has just "cum" in your hair and it is not too "fetchin'". Don't even think you can slide your hidden agenda past me...especially if my back is turned!

You want a piece of me?

(3) Fat. In public life your appearance is everything! Don't gross me out! We own you! You work for me! Don't ever forget that, even if your from Cumberland or Centrepointe! When I see you in media, my first thought should not be of  the movie Deliverance!

(4) Stupid. Don't do something just to get your face on / in the local small time media. The purpose of government is to facilitate not to constrict. How simple is that? If you have an overwhelming desire to stand in front of a TV camera for no particular reason save to embarrass yourself and in turn your constituents, resign and purchase an interest in a used car lot. Also be very careful who's Kool Aid your drinking. You are being closely observed...

(5) Slow. This describes any one that is thick enough not to understand the first four items just discussed!

There is one character or actor that I am thinking of here. I am giving you every opportunity to get your self together. If I see another performance such as the brief  first one I saw in the week just past I will eat you alive! The pictures, tag lines, formats are all ready and standing by... Don't be my Richard Nixon. 

Its on...