Letter to Mayor Jim Watson

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. 
Hunter S. Thompson,  "Fear and Loathing at the Super Bowl" (Rolling Stone #155, February 28, 1974)

Dear Gentleman Jim: 


Let me be the last to congratulate you on your last decisive electoral victory. And to also thank you on the behalf of all Ottawans for not embarrassing the city so far... I would think that your staff has got to all the back rooms and have found all the stuff under the corners of the carpets. You sure are a pro Jim. You ain't showing or they haven't told you yet. In short man you got serious problems, whole gaping black sinkholes of future liability.


But lets be positive. There are several things you can do right away that will send strong signals to the stakeholders and the unionized employees. 

(1) Rip out the voice mail tree on 311. All calls to be answered by live operators only. Just copy the system in Mississauga. Call up Hurricane Hazel McCallion. (Better yet,  put your credit card and your expense account to good use and get a case of the finest single malt and pay homage to a great mayor! ) The 311 line is not a marketing tool or a public relations tool, it is a liability prevention tool! for every dollar you put in you will save ten..

(2) If you haven't noticed yet; you have at least three different city vehicle livery styles on the road. Geez guy, amalgamation was over ten years ago! Clean fleet Good Employer.  It appears right now that no one is minding the store. Shabby fleet Crappy Employer.


(3) Pick a management school or style. I strongly recommend Ottawa becomes a Drucker City. You might want to pick another style. But the Cartoon U fraternity style and the my brother-in-law school of management is not recommended and is presently strong and should be quickly terminated with extreme prejudice.


The next stage will be more "difficult" but much more important. The following areas need management  tear down and rebuilds.
(1) OC Transpo
(2) Legal Department
(3) Human Resources Department
(4) Tax and Water (4th floor...)


The commissions you have started are long overdue. Continue with a Human Resources Commission. 


With the brilliant idea of garbage pick up every two weeks I have heard a persistent rumor that the redundant truck drivers are going to be made By-Law Officers to be set loose in Barr Haven and Beacon Heights the day before garbage pickup! Brilliant....


Think of that big water main break on Woodroffe Ave. as a demonstration of Divine Metaphoric Intervention. The roiling sinkhole of cess is the current state of the City. That brand new GM HD2500 crew cab truck with the long box that was engulfed three feet over the roof was the City of Ottawa...The big Japanese back-ho that lifted that ruined $70,000 vehicle could be you Gentleman Jim or it could be federal or provincial trustee-ship.... Whats it gonna be?


In closing here is something to keep you occupied until Mrs. Watson comes along....

                                                                                                                             Yours Hardly;
                                                                                                                            Oracleofottawa